Come Back To What You Know

The car was warmer now, and the soft light glowing in from outside made it feel cozy and intimate, like there was nobody else in the outside world. Just me and him in our own little cocoon.

"Me too," I told him. "I'm sorry. I know it wasn't just me. We both had things come up that got in the way, but I still wish I hadn't... I wish I wasn't going away."

And I meant it. Sort of. I was excited for my new job, and even though I was scared to be going so far away, I was looking forward to doing something amazing with my life, even if it was just for twelve months. But another more sentimental part of me wanted to say 'to hell with it' and stay home to explore this thing with Brayden.

He leaned forward, his hand reaching out for my cheek. Again, he let out a small laugh. "I still can't believe I'm actually able to do this."

I closed my eyes, trying to keep the butterflies in my stomach at bay, but there was really no hope for them or me anymore. I leaned into his hand, relishing in a feeling I'd wanted for so long.

"You couldn't have put your life on hold for me," he said quietly, and I looked into his beautiful eyes again, absorbing the sincerity in them. "We didn't really know each other when you got the job offer. We didn't know if we would ever mean anything to each other."

"But we do," I said, my voice shaking slightly. "We do mean something to each other."

He nodded. "Yeah. We do."

"So... what do we do about that?" I asked gently, watching as he moved in just a little closer to me. I suddenly wished we weren't in a car. That we had braved the cold because I needed to feel his body against mine. With his arms around me, I could only ever imagine feeling warm and safe.

Slowly, Brayden pressed his lips against mine, and everything except our heartbeats, and our mouths moving so gently against each other ceased to exist. I moved my hand up to the back of his neck, softly stroking the skin there as his tongue sank into my mouth.

I never knew kisses could feel like that. So soft and slow, yet still so full of emotion and need. I could feel tears pricking at my eyes because, in that moment, I couldn't imagine wanting to kiss anyone else again.

And that was terrifying.

When our lips slowly parted, we leaned our foreheads together.

“That was better than I ever imagined,” I said, chuckling lightly.

“Yeah. It really was.”

The fact that he had thought about that moment as much as I had made a small groan escape from my lips. “What do we do, Brayden?” I moved my head back so I could look at him. So I could look into his eyes again. “I really… I think… we can’t…” I stumbled over my words because, even though I knew what I was trying to say, I still didn’t want to say it. I didn’t want to be the sensible one.

He pressed another soft kiss to my lips, and my stomach flipped over, my heart fluttering wildly.

“You’re about to start a whole new life,” he said gently. “One where there will be new people, other guys…”

“Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to be an issue,” I said, laughing, and he smiled, his eyes lighting up.

“Right now you feel that way,” he said. “But we have to be real here. A year is a long time, Charley.”

“I know,” I whispered, bracing myself, ready for him to say the words I had been unable to say.

“I don’t think we should…” he began, then paused, swallowing hard. “Charley, you’re amazing. You’re beautiful, and you’re fun, and I have never had a connection like this with anyone before. God, I don’t want to say this, but I can’t… I don’t think we can promise each other anything right now.”

He was right. It was what I’d wanted to tell him. Because, sure, we could have decided there and then to make a commitment. A commitment to not see anyone else in the next year. To be together long distance for twelve months until we could be together for real. But we were also smart enough to know that things can change. That there was a chance, even if we didn’t feel like it in that moment, that one of us would meet someone else. Someone who wasn’t so far away. And then what? The other one of us would be left hurt, feeling like we should never have gotten involved in the first place.

“If it’s meant to be, it’ll work out, right?” I said, rolling my eyes good-naturedly. I was purposely sounding cheesy, but that is what people say, isn’t it? What’s meant to be will find a way.

Brayden smiled. “Right. So… can we just stay in touch and…”

“If we’re both still single, I’ll meet you back here in a year?” I finished, smiling back at him, even though it stung that it was so far away. “Or

is that still too much like a promise?”

He screwed up his face in thought, making him look even more adorable. “I think that’s a promise we can stick to.”

Chapter 4

Charley