Come Back To What You Know

Twenty-Three Months Ago

Hey stranger. How's life in America?

I gave my laptop the side-eye as I heard my notifications go off, and I got a glimpse of a message I wasn't expecting. The laptop sat beside me on the sofa while I ate a bowl of my roommate's homemade chicken noodle soup. From my years of watching American sitcoms, I'd learned that that was what people made each other when they got ill. But I wasn't. Ill, I mean. Homesick, perhaps, but not ill in the usual sense.

I should have known. I'd been feeling a little off all morning, so it made perfect sense that he'd get in touch today. It was just the way of things with him. I'm not psychic or anything, but where Brayden was concerned... it was like I could feel him, feel his presence.

Even from 3883 miles away.

Not that I'd ever Googled the distance. That would have been all kinds of lame...

I placed my bowl on the coffee table in front of me, right in the place where my feet had rested on the highly polished surface seconds before. I tucked my legs underneath me and picked up my laptop, taking a deep breath to open the message.

I stared at it for a moment and could see he was still online. Seven a.m. in the U.K. Did he wake up thinking about me? My stomach twinged.

I still woke up thinking about him every morning. I had since Christmas Day. As stupid as it might have seemed to miss someone I’d only ever met once… I did. I missed him. I missed how incredible the connection was with him.

Charley??? I woke up early just to talk to you! On a Saturday! Answer me, woman!

A smile played about my lips as my fingers hovered over the keyboard for a moment. After a minute or two, I typed:

It didn't cross your mind that this high-flying, jet-setting girl would be out enjoying herself on a Saturday? :p

Had I not felt the weird tug to stay at my laptop, I probably would have been out. I'd been in Chicago for two weeks, and I still had a lot of exploring to do. American city life was quite the culture shock after spending the first twenty-three years of my life living in Weymouth. Not gonna lie, Chicago terrified me, but I'd been put in shared accommodation with a native, who was more than happy to tell me which places I should go to and which places I should avoid.

Brayden: Honestly? No. I expect you to be waiting by your keyboard for my messages every hour of the day! :p

This time, I chuckled.

Charley: Just as well I don't do that. I'd have died of boredom waiting for you! :p

Brayden: LOL. Just wanted to give you time to settle in. Besides, wasn't sure if you still wanted to hear from me. I wondered if you’d change your mind about staying in touch once you got there.

If only he knew. And, of course, I knew I could just as easily have reached out to him, but... I was trying to do something I'd never done before. I was trying not to stress over a situation I had no control over.

Well, not no control. I’d made the decision to move to the US to work for a year, leaving behind the possibility of him and me. I quickly reminded myself it would have been crazy to turn down such a huge opportunity for someone I didn’t know if I would ever actually meet. Teaching English as a foreign language was something I'd worked towards, and I'd wanted to go to America for as long as I could remember.

But now, I had met him. And even though we’d sort of made a pact to just wait the time out and see how we felt, a year might as well have been a century.

Charley: Of course I want to hear from you. Things have been a bit weird the last few weeks. Being here is a huge change. I really miss home today.

Brayden: What's it like there?

Charley: Chicago? It's like London on crack. Everything is big and loud and scary.

Brayden: LMAO, sounds insane.

Charley: It's amazing, but it's going to take some getting used to. How are you? How's life in the UK?

Brayden: Same old. Saw Becky last week.

Hmm. Odd that she didn't mention it when we Skyped the day before. On the other hand, she was the best kind of friend. She probably knew talking about Brayden would make me doubt my decision again. And there was nothing I could do about it.

I spent a little over an hour messaging with Brayden, and with each message we sent, I felt myself falling backwards. I'd tried every trick I could think of to force him to the back of my mind for a while. Not because I wanted to forget him. I didn’t. I just wanted to try and get used to not talking to him as often. It was so much harder now I’d kissed him. Now I knew what it was like to be around him, I wanted more. But I couldn’t have it. Not yet, and maybe never. Taking a small step back was my way of trying to protect myself, and I was failing miserably.

Just as I finished my conversation with Brayden, my roommate, Evelyn, came through the front door. The smile faded from her face as she took me in where I sat, in a ball in the corner of the sofa, staring at the messages Brayden and I had exchanged.

"Okay, what's up, girl?" she said, flopping down at the opposite end of the sofa. "You looked sad when I left, but now? Hell, you look like someone used up your last teabag."