She raises an eyebrow. "You're very pessimistic for one so young. Let me tell you something from my years of experience. What you have with him is a connection. You can't feel something so strong without it being reciprocated. It just doesn't happen."
"But... he met someone else. Right when I was due to go home. Even though I still feel our connection, a huge part of me is so scared. Because if he did that, if he met someone else before, maybe I wasn't that important, and even though he makes me feel like I am... what if I'm not?"
"Listen. Men are idiots. Even the best ones. Maybe he met her and thought he felt a connection with her. Or... maybe he was every bit as afraid as you. Men can be pretty cowardly when there's a chance their hearts might get broken. Women, I think, more than men, will put themselves out there in the hope that it will work out, but men? Most of them don't work that way. He might just have been afraid the way you are now, that after waiting so long, you might not have felt as strongly as he did, so he moved on to a relationship that wouldn't break his heart."
Anita's words pretty much back up everything Brayden said to me when he called me that day. And I did believe him. We've spent so much time talking since then. At the start, I wasn't sure it would ever be the same. How could it be when he'd screwed with my trust, messed with my feelings, and let me down? For a few weeks, I didn't promise him anything. That link I felt to him hadn't weakened in any way; I still felt him, felt his feelings and his moods and his presence. But what had weakened was my unrelenting belief that he wouldn't hurt me. Last year, I wouldn't have doubted him for a moment, and it took a long time to allow myself to believe that, this time, we'll do everything we want to and more. As the months passed though, the trust was rebuilt. In many ways, it feels stronger this time, because we both know what we almost lost. This time, we aren’t willing to give up.
**
It feels like forever before we finally touch down at Heathrow airport. The moment the plane bumps down to earth, the reality of everything smacks me in the face again. In twenty-four hours, on Christmas Eve, I’m going to see him.
Holy crap.
Anita smiles at me as she stands up, and people begin to gather their belongings and disembark. "Relax. This is going to be everything you want it to be. I can feel it."
I let out a small laugh. "What makes you so sure?"
"Because you've told me the good parts and the ugly parts of what you and Brayden have been through. You haven't sugarcoated it. You've looked at it from a mature, intelligent perspective. He loves you, Charley. Any guy who goes to the trouble of admitting he was wrong isn't just messing around with you."
I carry her words with me as I drift on autopilot off the plane and into the airport.
I follow the crowds, keeping my mind occupied by wondering who the people around me will be meeting as they walk through the gate and into the arrival area. Will there be loved ones waiting for them? Husbands, wives, parents, children. Maybe some of them are in London on business and will be whisked away in a posh company car. I wonder if any of them have been away for as long as me. Or if some have arrived to spend a long time away from their homes in Chicago.
All of these thoughts keep me busy, and before I know it, I'm there. My nerves kick in again and my palms begin to sweat as I look between the groups of people finding their friends and families, all of them hugging and kissing each other, to seek out my mum and my brother, Dylan. I’m pretty sure he’ll be here under duress. He’s twenty and rarely does anything involving family anymore.
In an ideal world, Brayden would be here to greet me. The big movie finish where he’d sweep me off my feet and tell me how he’d never let me go again.
But we’d both decided meeting at the park where we spent our first and last Christmas Eve together was entirely more romantic. Besides, Mum has booked the three of us into a hotel in London for the night before driving us home in the morning. As much as my own bed sounds amazing, the travelling was tiring, and I’m ready for some rest.
“Charley!”
My mum’s shout catches my attention, and before I know what’s happening, she’s charging at me, gloved hands outstretched to hug me. I can’t stop laughing at the excitement on her face, and as we collide and wrap our arms around each other, she says, “You’re really back. I’m so happy to see you!”
The warmth of my mum’s hugs has always been one of my favourite things, but it’s not really until that moment I realise just how much I missed her.
“I’m happy to see you too,” I tell her, squeezing her tight.
Over her shoulder, Dylan is walking towards us, and even he is grinning. “All right, big sis,” he says, giving me a cool punch on the arm.
I narrow my eyes, still smiling, and let go of my mum. “Come here, squirt!” I pull him in to me for a hug, and he laughs.
“Squirt? I’ve been taller than you for years!”
“Whatever. Just give me a cuddle!”
Dylan’s arms circle around me, and even though I already miss Evelyn, Lewis, and Luca, the joy of being home fills me up.
“Come on,” Mum says. “Let’s get to the hotel. We’re already checked in.”
That’s a relief. All that faffing around in a queue, giving your details and waiting for your key and instructions for the wi-fi is a hassle, especially when tired. All I want to do is get in, have a long soak in the tub, and then go to bed. Even if it is only four in the afternoon.
**
The hotel Mum booked us into is right by Hyde Park, where Winter Wonderland is set up. I can’t help but smile as I look out of the window to see the twinkling lights of fairground rides and stalls. The smells wafting over from the food stands as we entered the hotel—hot chocolate, mulled wine, mince pies—it was all enough to make my mouth water. Mum used to bring Dylan and me to Winter Wonderland when we were younger, so it’s nice to reminisce and see it all again.
“Don’t
just stand there by the window, Charley,” Mum says, and I turn to look at her, noticing she and Dylan haven’t taken off their coats yet. I mean, I haven’t either, but I was too busy looking at the view.