Into the Darkness

“I’m sorry, it’s just that you looked so cute all nervous and jittery. I thought it was because of the ring

.” He grabbed my hand and slowly kissed my knuckles. Okay, that felt better. “Don’t worry, I got my punishment. Do you know Eric made me try on twenty suits yesterday? I am not exaggerating.” He cringed at the memory. “And he made me walk up and down the store, posing in what can only be described as Zoolander’s Blue Steel pose.”

I burst out laughing. That was so Eric. I had seen him do this to Rocky a thousand times. He channeled his inner Tim Gunn. It was hands-down the funniest thing ever.

“Oh Julian, I know…oh…this is hilarious. I’m so sorry.” I couldn’t help but roar in hysterics.

“Then he kept saying, ‘Make it work, people!’ By that point I was like, ‘What people? It’s only me’.”

I was on the verge of peeing my pants, and the funniest part was how serious Eric was when he said it standing there with his arms folded. I couldn’t stop laughing. I looked at Julian, his handsome face laughing as well. Julian was good at not taking himself too seriously.

“You’re so beautiful when you laugh, Charlie. Make it five.”

“Five what?”

“Kids.”

This time I relaxed. It didn’t terrify me. This man was perfect, and I wanted his babies, all five of them.

“Okay. Five. But you realize our sex life will be spurs of random quickies in silence? At least that’s what Bull’s keeps telling me.”

His smile widened and he pulled me in and kissed me as much as you could kiss a person in a crowded restaurant without being asked to leave.

“I love you, Charlie Mason, mother of my future five children.”

I suddenly felt something. It was something I couldn’t explain. Like that feeling when you know you are being watched or when you are watching ghosthunters, trying not to shit your pants because you can feel a presence in the room. Calming myself down, I scanned my surroundings. On my right was a couple having an argument. I could tell it was about another woman; the words “wandering cock” were said loud enough that people behind me turned and looked. I diverted my eyes straight past Julian where some Japanese tourists were holding up sushi in chopsticks against the light, examining the rolls. It was funny until an older lady looked at me and shook her head. Bored with them, I then gazed to my left.

There are no words that could describe what happened next, or how it happened.

Staring directly at me were those eyes, those emerald eyes. This couldn’t be happening, not here, not now. I suddenly began to panic, my chest tightening. My breaths became quicker yet I felt like I was suffocating. My stomach twisted in knots, the urge to vomit lingering with everything else. This was a figment of my imagination, it had to be.

“Would you excuse me? I just need to use the restroom.” I got up from my chair so fast I nearly got a nosebleed and headed to the restroom, avoiding eye contact with anyone as I walked. I heard him call my name. I ignored him, the adrenalin running through me. He grabbed my arm and just like that I felt it, that surge, the jolt that only ever happened when he touched me. He begged me to turn around and against my better judgment, I did.

“I looked for you, after you left,” he said, his voice haunting me as he spoke.

Was this him? His accent was virtually British, only a slight hint of American. This didn’t sound like him, why would he have a British accent? I was at a loss as to what to say. He looked for me? It wasn’t impossible to find me. I felt the fury bubbling up inside of me, my cheeks flushing as I attempted to get the words out. I had imagined what this moment would be like a thousand times over, each time the speech became longer and longer. I wanted him to feel pain, to scar him just like he had done to me. I wanted to break him, but my tongue was tied. The words couldn’t form and I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

“Obviously not hard enough!” I shot back. Good Charlie, real slick!

He looked confused, almost speechless. I never thought in a million years our paths would cross again and here I was angry and hurt and most of all trying to ignore how beautiful he still was. He was standing before me in a black suit, crisp white shirt and a dark blue tie. His hair was just as I remembered it, a bronze-tinted color styled in casual disarray. His face was perfectly sculpted, his strong jaw line cleanly shaven, showing off his tanned skinned. The emerald in his eyes sparkled as he continued to stare at me, like he was searching for something.

He wanted to “talk” but there was nothing left to say. I denied what we were because it was easier this time to push him away. For a moment I thought he had changed, that maybe he had matured and grown past what we were. Maybe he just wanted to say hello—that was, until he mentioned Julian.

I fired back at him with hurtful things. I wanted him to feel the pain I felt for years. I wanted him to understand how much hurt he’d caused me. I wanted to scream at him for everything he put me through but instead I said goodbye and walked away. My heart sank as I felt a wave of guilt wash over me. It’s done, Charlie, I told myself. It’s so done.

I tried my best not to show Julian how angry I was but I was shaken up. I could barely walk back let alone think about finishing my meal. I wanted to get out of there.

“Are you okay, gorgeous? You look a bit flushed.” Julian poured some water into my glass, suddenly my throat feeling very dry. I drank the entire glass of water, the feeling of nausea still lingering.

“I’m fine. I just nearly tripped over this lady’s handbag that she had lying on the ground but I recovered without too much embarrassment.” I forced a smile. “Do you mind if we head out? I forgot I have a client in an hour,” I lied.

“Of course not, gorgeous.”

I offered to pay the bill but he refused, typical guy thing of course. We walked away from the table. For a split second my eyes met his.

Those eyes that haunted me in my sleep.

Those eyes that I couldn’t escape no matter how hard I tried.