Into the Darkness

n a sad pathetic loser pining for his ex.

…

It had been the day from hell. I had just finished a fourteen-hour shift with Dad at the hospital where we lost a teenager to a drunk driving accident. It was the first time I had dealt with death, and no matter how much they prepared us for this during our practicals, the reality was far more grueling. My dad stood there calling time of death as I ran to the toilet heaving, barely making it as I violently vomited, my body shuddering as I slumped to the floor. How on Earth would this get easier over time? I started questioning myself, if this was the right thing for me. I was not built like my father; he was strong, always in control. Five fucking years of my life dedicated to medical school, what the hell was I going to do? I couldn’t talk to Samantha about it. She just saw the status attached with calling me Doctor. Mom and Dad would never understand and Adriana, well, she was too preoccupied with Elijah. I peeled myself off the floor and washed my face before I headed outside.

“Son, are you OK?”

“Yeah. Sorry I ran out, Dad. It was just a lot to deal with.”

He placed his arm around my shoulder before walking me to the reception area. The nurse at the front desk looked at me sympathetically.

“It’s part of the job, Alex. It doesn’t always end in saving a life.”

“I know but she was so young. Only seventeen, it’s not fair.” My voice was choking as I spoke. I needed to get out of this miserable place.

“Life isn’t always fair, Alex. Remember that.”

With his last words I walked through the sliding doors and into the cool night. It was a little after six when I got home. Samantha was in the lounge reading some trashy magazine.

“Hey honey, you look beat.” She leaned over and kissed me on the lips.

“Yeah, pretty much the day from hell.”

She put down the magazine and motioned for me to sit next to her. I threw my bag on the ground and sat down, ready to talk about today’s events.

“I went to see Dr. Housman today,” she said.

“What the hell for?” I knew I sounded annoyed but what the fuck was wrong with her? Dear God, she better not be knocked up. We used condoms plus she was on the pill. “You’re still taking the pill aren’t you?”

“Yes I am and no I am not pregnant but nice to know we haven’t moved forward with that decision,” she said. “Dr. Housman did some preliminarily tests and she found that I wasn’t ovulating. I will need fertility pills should we decide to have kids.”

“OK, so we’ll deal with that when the time comes.” I was exhausted and this was the last thing in the world I wanted to discuss.

“She said the younger I was the better.”

“No, Samantha.” I raised my voice. I was fucking pissed now. After the day I had, I thought she would want to know what happened, instead she put the baby bullshit on me. “We are not having children any time soon. End. Of. Discussion.”

I grabbed my bag and headed to our bedroom, sat on the bed and untied my shoelaces. I slid my shoes off, then stood up and undressed. I walked to the bathroom and turned on the shower. It took a few seconds for the hot water to come through but slowly the mirror started fogging up as the steam floated across the room. As soon as the water fell on my skin, I felt myself relax. I wanted to forget today ever happened but every time I tried, I saw the lifeless body lying on the operating table as my father tried to revive her. I didn’t realize I was crying until I tasted my tears on my lips. I vigorously rubbed my face before turning the water off and climbing out. I wrapped a towel around my waist and grabbed another to dry my hair as I walked back into the bedroom.

“I’m sorry, baby, I just got paranoid that I could be the reason why we never have kids.” She sat on the bed, grabbing a tissue off the nightstand.

“Seriously Sammy, you need to stop listening to your sister. When the time is right, the time is right. I don’t want to talk about this. I’m exhausted and just want to go to sleep.”

My cell started to ring. I walked over to the desk and grabbed it. Adriana’s name flashed on the screen. I answered the phone abruptly which didn’t deter her as she rambled on about some issue with her Mac. I told her I was busy. Fuck, why couldn’t she get Elijah to help her out? Then she said she was at Charlotte’s. I don’t know what came over me; in a heartbeat I agreed to go over. Like a rainbow after a storm, it was exactly what I needed. I told her I would be over in fifteen minutes, then hung up the phone. Sammy watched as I changed into my jeans.

“What’s going on?”

“Adriana’s Mac died and she needs it for tomorrow night.” I left out the part about going to Charlie’s. I don’t know why, I had done nothing to feel guilty about.

“Oh, I thought we could climb into bed together. It’s been a while, Alex.” She curled her arms around my waist and started kissing my chest.

“What do you want me to do? She needs help and you were the one who agreed for us to chaperone this stupid party.”

“Fuck Alex, it’s always an excuse with you!” She pulled away and stormed off, slamming the bathroom door behind her.

I quickly got changed, not wanting to deal with the drama that was my wife. We weren’t fucking anymore because I was either exhausted when I got home from the hospital, my shifts were on rotation, and well, I didn’t trust her. The whole baby thing was warping my mind. I needed to get out of here so I grabbed my keys and closed the door behind me, ready to chase my rainbow.

Chapter 7