Into the Darkness

“What about now?”

“Adriana, it’s complicated.”

“What’s so complicated? Break it off with Julian. Lex loves you, you love him. You’ve forgiven him. Time to move onwards and upwards and spend the rest of your life with each other and make beautiful babies that I can spoil rotten.”

I froze. It seemed too surreal, having this conversation about marriage and babies with Lex. I tried to hide my feelings. It was all a little too much and suddenly I felt like I was having a panic attack, standing here in the beautiful pink dress.

“Char, are you okay?”

I knelt to the ground and placed my hands over my face. I could feel the weight of the phoenix, swaying as I rocked back and forth. The tears came flowing down and I begged myself not to cry, not to break down but it was so forceful. Adriana dropped her sewing kit and held onto me. There were no words, she didn’t ask and I didn’t offer, she just held me. In that moment I realized how much I’d missed her and needed her, my best friend at this moment to wash away my anxiety over this whole sorry ordeal.

“I’m so sorry, Adriana,” I choked as the tears washed down my face.

“Charlie, look at me.” I looked up into her eyes. She understood. She knew me better than I knew myself sometimes. “You need to open up. This demon you are carrying, you need to set it free.”

“I thought I did… I was fine and moved on but then he came back into my life and I’m a mess. I miss him so much but I loathe him at the same time. I don’t want him to hurt me again.”

She held onto me, quiet for what seemed like forever until I composed myself. Passing me a box of tissues, I cleaned up my face. She tucked my hair behind my ear and smiled.

“I didn’t mean to push you, I’m sorry. But Charlie, you have to realize Lex knows the mistake he has made and it pains him every day that he put you through that. There is nothing in the world he wouldn’t do for you and hurting you again is not an option. He loves you way too much. You have to know that Lex was a lost soul for the past seven years. He was not the Lex you see today nor was he the Alex you knew back then. He barely spoke to us, to anyone for that matter unless it was work-related. He shut himself off from the world. He caused my mother endless worry. Suddenly you have brought him out whole again and…” She choked up, grabbing a tissue. “I can’t thank you enough. We’ve missed him.”

“Your parents know about me?” I asked, shocked at the thought. It might have been seven years ago but I still felt guilty for how I treated them. They were so good to me. They always treated me like a daughter.

“They saw a change in Lex the past few weeks and asked me what’s going on. I told them about you.”

“And?”

“Mom was happy. She always felt terrible for how she treated you on the street that day. Dad, well, he is very hard to read…much like Lex sometimes.”

“Adriana, I don’t know if I’ve fully forgiven him. I’m reminded of the hurt when he is near me. How do I even get past that?”

“You talk to him. You tell him exactly how you feel, exactly how you felt back then. You be one hundred percent honest with him.”

“It’s too soon. I can’t pour my heart out yet, I’m not ready.”

“It’s been a month. I don’t understand…” she said.

“Because the moment I do, I’m scared he will look at me differently. I need to be prepared for that, know that I made the right decision in being honest with him and be able to handle his reaction.” That was the truth. There was so much more he didn’t know and I was scared he would run. I needed to be strong. That was the only way I could battle this so-called demon I carried.

“I understand, Char.”

We talked more about the wedding, the reception and of course the honeymoon. They were staying in a private resort at the Virgin Islands as a wedding present from Lex. Apparently he was chummy with Richard Branson. Sometimes it was like I didn’t know him at all. He was some billionaire mogul that mingled with the elite of the world.

“Adriana, is Lex really that well off?” I asked curious.

“We lost count years ago. God knows how many properties or investments he owns. We all got a fair share when my grandfather died but Lex built this empire. He was unstoppable but in saying that he never spent his money either. He was either working or…no wait, he was always working. I don’t think in seven years he has even taken a vacation.”

“Wow. He was never into that whole money thing before,” I mumbled.

“No he wasn’t but it was like it possessed him, not the money per se but the control. It was the only thing he could control in his life.”

I changed the subject quickly because I was a tad uncomfortable talking about Lex’s wealth even though I was the one to bring it up. I wasn’t one of those girls hung up on money, probably because I had my own. When my grandmother passed away she left me her house in Connecticut and some money which she had inherited from her father. I could never bring myself to sell the house so I rented it out to a nice family that took care of the place. I paid for my college and put a deposit on my apartment and used some to start our practice. The rest I just placed into a savings account. Most of the time I forgot it was even there. I didn’t consider myself rich or anything but I didn’t have to worry about money. I wasn’t a shopaholic, unless a special occasion called for it. My grandmother taught me well and I cherished her life lessons.

“So anyways, I forgot to tell you. One of my designers has a house in the Hamptons which she offered to let us use next weekend. Are you free? I’ve already asked Rocky and Nikki and they are in, with Will of course. Eric has some festival thing on so he can’t make it.”

“And Lex?” I was desperate to see him hoping that he would fly in earlier than anticipated. Several times I had contemplated flying to London for a few days. OK, maybe that was my cooch talking.

“I haven’t been able to reach him this week. He must be busy or something. I’ll try again or maybe speak to his assistant. She is my go-to when he ignores me.”