A week later, everything started to unfold. She was distant, on edge, extremely highly strung. She kept trying to bury herself in work but failed miserably. I knew she wouldn’t talk, the stubborn bitch, so I decided we needed some Eric & Charlie pamper time.
I sat there in the chair as the lady filed my nails. It was Charlie’s birthday and we were having a day of pampering. After spending a day on 5th Ave maxing out my three credit cards, we decided to have a light lunch followed by manis and pedis at our local salon. I was flicking through a back issue of US Weekly as Charlie rambled on and on about how she busted Nikki and Rocky in Nikki’s office two weeks ago. I dropped the magazine in the water as Charlie broke the news of the last part. The asian manicurist cursed me in her language and all the manicurists turned to face me, shaking their heads. I couldn’t help by crack up laughing; geez I’ll replace the three dollar back issue with a pregnant Angelina Jolie on the front.
“Charlie, are you fucking serious?” I started coughing as the laughing became uncontrollable. The manicurist had the shits with both of us as we couldn’t hold still. She eventually stabbed me with the filer which calmed me the hell down.
“Sorry,” Charlie said to the manicurist “Yes, dead set. I mean, why is it always me? Why do I always have to catch them? And the worst part is that they are never embarrassed! They just say sorry, then carry on.”
I laughed, struggling to get my words out. “Charlie, please, like you can talk.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked nervously.
“Um, like, hello…Lex rocking up to your office on Monday night. You don’t think that I believe nothing happened right?”
“I don’t know... I mean nothing happened,” she stammered.
“So, how do you explain a cufflink with the initials LE engraved on it that was lying on the floor underneath your desk?”
“Uh, he was... um, fixing my chair.” She smirked.
“More like slurping on your lady door.”
“Eww E, did you just say ‘slurping on my lady door’?”
“Well, he was, wasn’t he?? Don’t deny it, girl. You’ve been tapping his ass non-stop since then, I can tell.”
“How on earth can you tell that?”
“You’re walking funny... kinda lop-sided. My guess is that you’re getting some back door action as well.”
“ERIC!” she gasped.
The manicurist snickered, which caused Charlie to turn bright red. It was so true. I had a radar on people who had just gotten laid. Plus, I could smell sex like a mile away. Hmm, maybe this was my gift.
“Not in front of the ...” she continued to spell out the word manicurist.
“Um, Charlie, you know they can spell right? So, how was it and how big is he? My guess is huge ‘cause you haven’t worn your really high pumps all week.”
“Holy shit, Eric, do you have some sort of sex radar? His size is… well it’s... perfect.”
“Damn, girl, you got it bad.”
“I do not!”
“I mean, not even I have found a perfect one. Some were small, some were big, some leaned to the left, some leaned to the right, there were some that were so covered in bush that you couldn’t even find it if you sent a search party with heavy duty torches and a hedge trimmer...” I continued on as she cut me off.
“Okay okay, I get it, you haven’t found the right one. Can you please not go on about large bushes? I want to maintain an appetite for tonight’s dinner.”
“You’re the birthday girl...” Smirking, I went back to reading the magazine next to me, issue date December 2009.
It was times just like that I missed. I didn’t know if they would still happen. She got back with the love of her life, has a full time sex schedule on top of being pregnant. I don’t know why it got to me so bad. I should just talk to her right? I mean she was my BFF. I confided everything to her, but what about now? This was way too much thinking for a Sunday. Thank god Kate agreed to hit up Barney’s when we got back into the city later that day. Retail therapy was just what I needed.
“Do you think things will change now?”
“How so?” Kate asked as she tried on a red strapless dress but gave up trying to squeeze her boobs into it when she realized she had no chance in hell of zipping it up.
“With Lex and Charlie...”
“Well, of course. I mean they have each other, they are practically moving in together, and hello, they are having a baby. Plus, holy shit, can you believe they got married!”