“Noah, is everything okay? We’re all worried here?” Kate rushes.
“An infection. They’re doing some further tests and monitoring him overnight. The fever has dropped, slightly.”
“I’m sorry, Noah. And you? How are you holding up?”
I can hear Charlie in the background, throwing questions at Kate. It’s a distraction, and I really want to hear Kate’s voice, not my cousin acting like a crazed lunatic.
“Is there somewhere you can go? So we can talk in private?”
“Of course, let me call you back.”
Moments later, my phone rings. “Okay, I’m alone. Is everything okay?”
My head drops at the same time my chest tightens. The guilt is consuming me, bringing all my failures to light. I’m just like him, the father who never stepped foot in my home because he had some other life. Neither one of my kids deserve this, and that’s all I am—an absent father.
“How am I supposed to do this, Kate? I can’t be in two places at the same time. I know what it’s like not to have a dad around. I watched my mom sacrifice her whole life for me. Is that fair to Olivia?”
“Noah,” Kate breathes, calming my nerves. “You’re doing the best you can, given the circumstances. Sure, the distance isn’t helping. I know you have Jessa here, but have you considered asking Olivia to move closer to you?”
“No, I didn’t think of asking because I know she has her own life.”
“It’s just a suggestion, and it doesn’t hurt to ask. I’m not a parent, but from a practical standpoint, if she lived in LA, you’d have more time with your son.”
“My life is a fucked-up mess.”
“No one is perfect,” she tries to reassure me. “This is your time right now, and you’ll never get these moments back. Go spend time with your son, Noah. He needs you, and so does Olivia.”
“Will you wait for me?”
“I promised I would, right?”
“Kate,” I whisper, needing to say so much more. “I’ll be home soon. I need to see you.”
“I’m not going anywhere right now, Noah.”
We hang up the phone, and with a clearer mind, I wander back to the room thinking about Kate’s suggestion. It never occurred to me to ask Olivia to move because, in the back of my mind, I placed her in the same category as Morgan—a woman. Therefore, difficult and stubborn. But Olivia isn’t like that, now that I think about it rationally.
Nash sleeps through the night, and by morning, his fever has dropped with his appetite returning. The doctor discharges him around midday, sending us home to continue monitoring him.
I send Kate a quick text, letting her know my plans.
Me: I’m going to stay one more night. I just want to make sure Nash is okay.
Kate: Of course, it’s understandable. Are you staying in a hotel?
Me: No, Olivia offered her couch. Will I see you tomorrow?
The response doesn’t come, the repeated checking of my phone to an empty screen. An hour later, I see it sitting there.
Kate: I’ll see you tomorrow.
Olivia lives in a one-bedroom apartment close to the airport. It’s small but has everything she needs considering she barely stays home when she’s working full-time. Her job as an airline stewardess has her flying across the country, which is how we reconnected.
Inside her bedroom is Nash’s crib. She places him down, informing me she’ll take a shower. I settle in the living room, opening my laptop, and trying to get work done since I want to stay another night to make sure he continues to recover. But as much as I try to concentrate, my mind drifts to Kate.
Darkness falls upon us quickly as Olivia and Nash sleep soundly in the room. I bury myself in work, the only thing I can do to clear my mind. With my phone on silent, not to wake them, I now notice the five missed calls from Morgan. In a panic, I dial her back, worried something has happened with Jessa related to the birthday party they attended today.
“What’s wrong? Is Jessa okay?”