I beg Professor Daniels to offer some other solutions, and we spend the next hour going through everything. The bottom line is that I need to focus on school. End of story.
Back in the dorm room, Liesel brings out the vodka—her solution to life’s problems. I kindly refuse, letting out a sigh as to how exactly I’m going to juggle it all. With my planner resting in my lap, I flick the pages aimlessly. I can say goodbye to spring break, the plans to stay with Will and our weekend away at The Hamptons.
“It’s just a hurdle. So, you’ll study harder, and besides, you’ve had the flu.”
“Yes, I know.” I nod, though not convincingly.
It’s times like this where I wish I can call Mom, desperate to hear her wisdom at a time when I feel helpless and lost. But again, I’ve distanced myself enough that calling her for advice would only raise suspicion.
“And so what if you’ve been moody?” Liesel adds, watching me cautiously. “I’d have thought all the hot sex would negate that?”
“Hot sex? It’s been close to two weeks since I last saw Will.”
“Hmm… that explains the mood.”
“I could blame PMS?”
Liesel nods with a knowing grin. “That’s right. We’re flow buddies. By the way, I stole some of your tampons since I ran out.”
My shoulders shake as I chuckle at her admission. Liesel is no different from Ava. “That’s fine. I’ll pick some up when I need them.”
“Wait, you don’t have them? I thought we were in sync?”
“We’re in sync,” I point out, eyeing the assignment to-do list written in my planner. “I’m just sick, so probably just late.?
?
“But aren’t you on the pill?”
“Yes,” I drag, watching Liesel’s eyebrows draw together with concern.
“You do use other protection with Will, right?”
Inside my throat, a giant lump begins to form. I scratch at my knee to distract the panic rising within me. “No, but I take the pill every day.”
“Every day?”
I nod. “Every day.”
“Same time?”
“Well, not always the exact same time.”
Liesel lets out a heavy sigh. “How late are we talking?”
I can’t believe we’re having this conversation. I’ve been late before, it’s not unusual. Though, I wasn’t fucking my brains out when that occurred. I try to suppress the panic rising to the surface. Grabbing my purse, I fumble for my pill packet, retrieving it to see the white pills almost finished—the very last one sitting inside the little circled packaging.
I hold it up for Liesel to see. She bites her lip, rubbing her face with worry.
“I think you should do a pregnancy test.”
I jump to my feet, pacing the area between us. “I can’t do that. So, I’m four days late? Big deal.”
Liesel does her best to calm me down, but the panic in her expression makes it difficult for me to ignore.
“You’re right, you’ve been sick, so maybe your body is just going through the motions. But better to clear the thoughts and find out for sure.”
The thought of this even happening numbs me to the core. I’m nineteen. I have my whole life ahead of me. I recall Mom’s story about Nikki and Rocky and how they struggled for so many years. I guess, for them, they had each other, so it worked out. But I know my chances of Will staying with me are slim. He’s never once mentioned starting a family or kids. From conversations I’ve heard from Aunt Nikki and Mom, he has zero desire for any of that.