“Why? Because you’re going back to Ashtaroth forever?”
He didn’t answer, his jaw tight.
“You should have told me the truth. Let me decide for myself.”
“Maybe so,” he admitted. “It was a farce from the beginning. I’ve loved you too long and too hard to give you up. But I tried. For your sake and mine, I tried.”
Tears brimmed again. How long had I waited to hear a man tell me that I was loved?
Not any man. This man. I’ve been waiting for him, my husband.
“I’m not giving you up,” I said fiercely. “Now that I finally have you back—”
He shook his head. “There is no hope for me, Lucy. You have to let me go. I should make you forget. Erase all this horror—”
“Don’t you dare!” I cried. “I’m done forgetting. You’ve given me no say in my own life—”
“To protect you,” he retorted. “To leave you with something more than dreams. Something real.”
“With Guy? What’s real is what I feel for you, Casziel. I love—”
“Don’t say it. You can’t love me. Not like this. Not when even looking into my eyes is dangerous—”
“You are not my bodyguard!” I cried, and thunder boomed outside the window. I turned Cas to face me, muscled arms crossed tight, his hands in fists. “Do you know what happened this afternoon on that street? I wasn’t calling for help. I didn’t summon
you. I had seconds to live—less than that—and I said your name because my entire being was filled only with you.” I tugged at his arms, forcing my stubborn man to let me in. He kept his gaze over my head as I pressed myself against the hard wall of his chest. “What I feel for you is real, Casziel, and the only thing that scares me is losing you again.”
“Lucy…”
“I don’t need rescuing. I need you.”
I laid my hand on his arm; it looked so small on the bulge of his bicep. He towered over me, tall and imposing. A beast of darkness, smelling of old leather, heated metal, blood and ash. I closed my eyes and rested my cheek against his arm. His pale skin was hot and cold, burning with the fires of hell and the bloodlessness of death. His feathered wing brushed my cheek.
My touch softened him; his big strong body shuddered at my words, and he heaved a sigh. When he let it out, his arms—and wings—went around me, and we held each other for the first time in so many long years. Tears seeped beneath closed lids as I settled into his embrace, a perfect fit, safe and secure because this is where I belonged.
“I’m sorry, beloved,” he said, his mouth against my hair. “For bringing darkness to you. For the horrible things I said. For making you feel less than you are, when you are everything to me, Li’ili. My wife. My life…”
“I’m not sorry for one minute of it,” I said. “I fell in love with you twice—four thousand years ago and again, ten days ago. But that’s not true, either. I’ve never fallen out of love with you.”
“Nor have I.”
“That has to count. It has to.”
His chest rose and fell against my cheek in a heavy sigh. “I’ve loved you for a hundred lifetimes, Lucy. If it could’ve saved me, it would’ve done so by now.”
“I don’t believe that. Love is stronger than anything. I feel it in you. How can there be nothing left if we’re here right now?”
“I don’t know,” he whispered. “I’m afraid to hope…”
“I’m not.” I pressed a kiss to his heart. His throat. His chin, seeking his lips. “Just love me, Casziel…”
His body tensed as my mouth found his in a trembling, feather light touch. He made a growling sound—barely restrained need that snapped all at once. Cas crashed his mouth to mine, his tongue invading, teeth biting my lips, then sucking them, leaving no part of my mouth unexplored. The taste of him was metallic and electric, lighting me up from inside.
I kept my eyes shut as the cold fire of his demonic form seeped into me. I wasn’t afraid; I surrendered to it. Sensations I hadn’t known existed were unspooling in me—the hottest desire tinged with a chill of fear. Every part of me on fire while shivers danced down my skin. This kiss…otherworldly and ethereal. A fever dream I didn’t want to wake from.
But Casziel wrenched his mouth from mine, leaving me breathless and bereft.
“We can’t,” he groaned. “Ashtaroth is strongest at night. I can’t face him in my human form. Not yet.”