Casual Affair

He could see that statement hit her hard, though naturally she wouldn’t admit it.

“No.” She shook her head vehemently. “You’re wrong. It’s you who has to have control over everything and everyone in your life, including me,” she told him. “I can’t even order us takeout without you grabbing the phone to make sure I called the right place. Or gave them the right address. Or asked for extra sauce. Trust and acceptance goes both ways, Zane.”

The hold he had on his anger snapped like a twig.

“I just have to know what’s going on! Why is that so hard for you to understand? It’s not about control. It’s about maintaining a handle on any and every situation, so the mistakes of the past aren’t repeated.”

She leaned back and shook her head. “What are you talking about?”

He ran his hand through his hair and exhaled heavily, though his anger didn’t diminish. “I let her die, okay?” His words came out more desperate than he’d intended. “I could have taken her keys away that night, but I didn’t. I let her leave and then she died.”

Bea’s expression changed, first confused then looking as if she were battling a million different emotions when understanding dawned. “You couldn’t have prevented that, Zane. What happened years ago with your mom was not your fault. But you can’t live your entire life blaming yourself for that and using it as an excuse to control everything and everyone else around you. Especially me.”

Didn’t she see that he didn’t have it in him to just throw his hands up and let the universe roll the dice on his life and the people in it?

“So what does this mean?” he demanded. He needed to get out of there, but he wanted answers first. “You don’t want to work for Envision Tech after tomorrow? Or you don’t want to see me anymore? Or both?”

She rubbed her temples without answering.

The sense of doom he’d felt earlier finally materialized, enveloping his entire body. Whatever the outcome of the conversation, it wasn’t going to be good. Not for him.

“I need to think about it,” she said at length. “That’s a big decision, and I would have to talk to Felicity about the contract. Meanwhile, you and I could use some time on our own.”

His throat constricted. “I’d say your answer is already pretty apparent.”

“There you go again, trying to force a decision on your terms,” she said, her arms falling to her sides, looking defeated. “You always get so impatient and upset when something doesn’t go your way. Well, this is something you can’t control, Zane. So just accept that.”

He slowly shook his head, hardly believing this was how the night was going to end. “All I can accept is…I believed this whole month was leading up to something that, apparently, was never going to happen. That you are so stuck in your ways you’re not even willing to try to make it work between us. Or maybe you just never felt anything for me in the first place. Either way, you’ve made your point clear enough.”

“I just need time to think!” she said, her voice high and shrill. “It’s hard to get perspective when you’re always on my case, telling me what I should and shouldn’t do and feel.” She sounded almost desperate, but he wasn’t buying it.

“In my experience, that kind of knowledge doesn’t need thinking about,” he countered, heading again for the door. “Those feelings are either there or they aren’t.” At the door, he turned back to take one last look at her, feeling paralyzed with betrayal. “And I wasn’t trying to control your life or suffocate you. I just wanted to spend time with you. Because unlike you, it felt like I couldn’t breathe when I wasn’t around you.”

Then he stalked out.

Leaving the shards of his broken heart in the hands of a woman who didn’t want it.

Chapter Twenty-Two

The next day was chaos. Organized chaos, but still chaos.

Plus, Zane hadn’t gotten even a wink of sleep the night before. Needless to say, he was grumpy and exhausted.

On the professional front, he couldn’t complain. With a huge line of customers waiting outside the store’s doors when it opened, they were already bringing in more revenue than they had initially anticipated. He knew Peter would be doing a happy dance back in London for exceeding their quota on the first day.