Forever Right Now

“Oh no,” Darlene said softly. She wilted against the doorjamb. “I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah, so, it is what it is, but…that’s why I don’t bring anyone here. I don’t have time for a relationship with anyone, and I don’t bring anyone over casually. Not even friends, really. I hate the idea of Livvie having strange women in her house. It’s hard enough for her without a mom. I don't want to confuse her.”

“I get it,” Darlene said.

“It’s probably stupid or overprotective but… She’s starting to call Elena ‘mama.’ She hears her kids call her that and I…I don’t know what to do.”

Darlene’s smile was soft and she reached her hand to pat my hand awkwardly for a moment, then pulled it away.

“I think you’re great with her. And she’s obviously very happy with you.”

“Yeah, well...” I ran a hand through my hair. “So listen, this is dumb. Olivia’s sleeping. Come in and help me eat this.”

Darlene grinned and shook her head before I finished my sentence. “Nope. I have my rules too. I’m working on me, remember? Trying to, anyway.”

Her cell phone chimed a text and she pulled it out of her sweater pocket. Her face went pale.

“Shit. I have to go,” she said. “Um, I have a meeting. It’s a…a work meeting in, oh hell, thirty minutes. I totally forgot.”

I frowned. “A work meeting at nine on a Friday night?”

“Yeah, bummer, right?” Darlene laughed loosely. “So I can’t stay to eat anyway. I’d be neglecting my obligations. I’m trying to be responsible to myself. No distractions.”

“Right,” I said, my chest feeling heavy. “No distractions. Well, thanks again for the casserole.”

“No problem,” Darlene said. She chucked me on the arm. “See? Not so bad, right? We don’t have to be BFF’s but we don’t need to be strangers, either. Neighbors.”

“Yeah, I guess that could work.”

“Good,” Darlene said, her smile widening, as she walked backward down the hall. “Okay. Bye.” She flashed me a little wave, spun on her heels and raced downstairs.

“Bye.”

I shut the door, and leaned against it for a few seconds, more tired than before. The entire night I’d been swept up in Darlene’s energy. I’d felt more awake than I had in a long time, and now I was sagging again.

Friend or stranger.

Aside from Jackson, I didn’t have a ton of friends anymore, and didn’t have time for them anyway. I didn’t have time for anything. ‘Neighbor’ fit somewhere in between ‘friend’ and ‘stranger.' Darlene could be there.

I couldn’t put her anywhere else.

Darlene

“Oh my God, this is going to suck,” I moaned.

I was hanging on to Max’s arm as we made our way into the YMCA. My heart was racing after my mad dash from the parking lot. Praise be to Uber, I

’d made it on time to my first NA meeting.

Praise be to Max’s reminder text, I added but didn’t say aloud.

“What’s going to suck?” he asked, frowning. “The meeting?”

That too.

“No,” I said. “My new living situation. It’s going to be a true test of my sexual willpower.”

“Sexual willpower,” Max mused. “That’s one I haven’t heard before.”