Unintended

I wasn’t sure I meant it, but I wasn’t sure what else to say.

I put my phone in my pocket, put my feet up on the couch, and closed my eyes.

I woke up screaming. At least, I thought I was awake. The searing pain through my scalp told me I must have been, and as the sleepy haze disappeared, the room jolted around me as I was met with Natalie’s crazed stare. Her fingers were in my hair, yanking my head back so it slipped off the headrest and I was looking at her upside down.

I didn’t move. I’d learned over time tha

t moving did not help. If I just kept still, this would be over faster. Without too much pain, hopefully.

“You lazy fuck!” she shouted, increasing her grip on my hair and making moisture fill my eyes. “You’re always fucking sleeping! You’re so selfish! And why didn’t you text me when you got home?”

Still, I didn’t move, even though the insanity in her eyes told me she could have broken my neck if she’d wanted to.

Good. Do it. End it.

“Say something!” she screamed.

When I remained silent, she brought her fist down hard on my stomach, so hard my body jerked upwards and pain ricocheted through me. I still had bruises there from the last time, and I coughed, almost choking from the angle of my head and the bile that rose in my throat. She let go of my head but her fist came down on my stomach again and I flipped over, falling from the sofa to the floor.

“Yeah. You can stay down there.” She sneered at me as I tried to get my breath back. I was trying to stop myself from vomiting all over the carpet. The last time I’d done that, she’d made damn sure I regretted. She stood over me, as if waiting for it to happen again, and when it didn’t, she huffed out a sigh and stomped away, slamming the bedroom door behind her.

I balled up a piece of paper and threw it across the room in frustration. I should have been so much more productive, but by Monday afternoon, I was starting to annoy myself, hence the piss poor attempt at getting out some tension.

I’d started work on the soft play centre’s designs, but no matter what I did, I wasn’t happy with any of it. I changed colours, and fonts, and pictures, and still nothing would stick. I hadn’t even thought about the tagline, or the press release they’d hired me to write for when they relaunched. They were relying on me to get them what they needed but my mind wouldn’t settle.

It hadn’t settled since I’d walked away from Ash on Friday night. But it wasn’t only that. Jay had been calling me more and more every day, to the point where, that morning, I’d turned my phone off. I wasn’t supposed to because it meant clients couldn’t reach me – but clients would leave a message. That was what was so frustrating about Jay. If the reason he was calling was so important, a voicemail would have let me know. He was never shy about voicemails when we were together, so why now?

His persistent calls had put me so on edge, I couldn’t get my creativity to work. My business was suffering while I stressed myself out over why he was calling.

I looked back to my computer screen, where the unfinished logo mocked me. This should have been the easiest job I’d had in months, and yet, nothing looked right.

I still had a few days until my deadline, so I did something I hadn’t done in years. I turned the computer off in the middle of my working day, picked up my phone, and left my office. Even on days when I had little work, I always found ways to do something productive, whether it was reading business magazines, or following up with clients, or researching the latest trends. There was always something I could do to make sure the jobs kept coming. But since my mind was distracted, there was really no point in trying.

I went through to the kitchen to make some coffee. Maybe not the best choice since my mind was already buzzing, but I figured I’d take it to my window seat in the living room and read for a bit. It was the only thing that usually made me forget everything, and my reading nook was the perfect place.

While I waited for my coffee, I risked turning on my phone to check if I had had any work calls. To my surprise, I got just one more missed call alert from Jay, and a Twitter alert from Ash.

Ash McKay: Can you be at The Empty Bottle in Manchester tonight? I get a half an hour break at nine. I know it’s a really inconvenient time, and this is out of nowhere but it’s the only way I can talk to you right now.

Right away, worry flooded me. Had something happened? I hadn’t expected to hear from him after what I’d seen and from how dejected his last messages had sounded. I’d wanted to reach out to him to find out how he was, but I wasn’t sure it was the right thing to do, not knowing how his girlfriend would treat him if she ever found out he was talking to me. I would have messaged him during the week because the concern would have gotten too much, but I hadn’t thought he would speak out first, and definitely not to ask me to meet him.

But since he had, and since his message seemed like a plea for help, I typed back: Of course. I’ll be there.

A few minutes later, he replied: Thank you.

Since the last time I saw him, I’d tried everything I could to stop myself thinking about what I’d seen, because, when it came down to it, what I’d witnessed was an argument between a couple. But it wasn’t exactly what I’d heard that had concerned me. Sure, Ash’s girlfriend didn’t seem like a good person, if I hadn’t seen them, I wouldn’t have been so worried.

It was the way he’d almost cowered away from her. He wasn’t a huge guy, but he certainly wasn’t lacking in height or muscle. His girlfriend was tiny. Shorter than him with a small frame, and yet she seemed to dwarf him in every way. Her essence seemed to shroud and scare him almost, and when he’d spoken to me… he looked so worn down. That told me that this wasn’t the first time she’d yelled at him over something trivial, and I very quickly understood why he didn’t want to tell her he’d met me if that was how she behaved just when he’d said he was tired.

I was lucky. I had the best friends a girl could ever want, but what if Ash didn’t have that? What if he had no-one?

When I was at my lowest point, I never asked for help.

Maybe I didn’t owe Ash anything, but since I’d spotted signs of sadness in him and he had asked for my help, I couldn’t ignore it. Not until I knew for sure if he could handle whatever situation he was in.

I’d never been to The Empty Bottle before. There were several places in Manchester the girls and I frequented, but this was not one of them. Live music venues were still a very new thing to me, and I wasn’t sure what the place would be like, but it looked reasonably well kept.

I arrived at eight thirty, giving me time to relax before Ash took his break. I spotted Ash right away when I walked into the club. He was behind the bar, wearing a black polo shirt with the club’s logo embroidered on the left hand side of his chest. It was actually kinda formal for that kind of place. Most times, bar staff just wore whatever. He didn’t see me right away, so I stood by the door, hiding myself behind the people coming and going.