He turned his head away again, and I knew at that moment he wouldn’t hear a single word I said. She’d screwed him up so much that he didn’t know what was real anymore, but I still didn’t move. If he wouldn’t hear my words, I’d make him feel my actions. So I sat completely still, my hand still over his, still not gripping.
When his body began to shudder again, I squeezed my eyes closed and I couldn’t recall a time when I’d ever felt so helpless. I wanted to lie beside him and hold him, to try to put his broken pieces back together, but I knew he wouldn’t let me.
So we sat, both of us silently crying. Because as much as he wanted me to go, it would have hurt him more if I left. And as much as I needed to find the words to make him understand that I wanted to be there for him, I knew he wouldn’t let that truth settle in his mind. When his fingers finally curled around mine, my heart beat harder and I gently squeezed his hand. He didn’t need to say the words out loud. I heard him.
I need you.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I whispered. “I promise.”
After a while, I heard his breathing even out, and when I leaned over to look at him, he’d fallen asleep.
With Ash asleep, I took a deep breath, fished my phone from my bag, and stepped outside the room.
There was no way I could leave him. Not yet, anyway. But now I had to make a phone call. An awkward one considering my mum had no idea who the hell Ash was, and no idea why he would be important enough for me to miss Christmas dinner with her.
I hadn't really addressed that part for myself yet, and I definitely wasn't up for analysing it just then. All I knew was I wouldn't leave him alone until they threw me out of the hospital.
I pulled up my mum's number on my mobile and hit dial before I'd worked out what I was even going to say to her. I barely had time to think it through since she answered on the second ring.
"Merry Christmas!" she said brightly.
Her happiness made me smile for a second, before I remembered I was about to let her down.
"Merry Christmas, Mum."
There was a short pause. "Evie, are you okay?"
Letting out a sigh, I said, "No." I began to pace up and down the corridor, my head down, already anticipating the telling off I was about to get. "Something's happened. I got a call first thing this morning about a friend of mine. He was... he was attacked last night, and he's in hospital. His only family is his mum and she lives in Spain, so I was the only person he could think of to call." I paused again, readying myself to say the words. "Mum, I'm so sorry. I know it's Christmas today and you're preparing lunch for us, but... I can't leave him. He's got nobody else and he's in a really bad way."
"Oh, Evie." Tears pricked at my eyes, both at upsetting her and thinking about Ash's injuries again. "Of course you can't leave him. I'm disappointed, of course, but I understand. What a horrible thing to happen on Christmas Eve."
She didn't know the half of it.
"I don't know how long until his mum will arrive, or what time I'll be able to stay here until, but I promise I will come over as soon as I can. I'm so sorry."
I guess she heard the quiver in my voice. "It's okay. But... are you okay?"
Drawing in a ragged breath, I said, "I think so. It was just a shock is all."
That was an understatement.
"May I ask who this friend is?"
No, you may not.
Obviously, I couldn't say that. It wasn't like I had anything to hide, but it was the way it sounded when you looked at it for what it was. Well, I met this guy when I was running out of a gig, and we stayed in touch via social media, and then I went away with him in secret. And by the way, his girlfriend beats him up and, even better, he's only twenty-three.
Yeah.
None of it was as sordid as it sounded, but it made me seem like some lonely old cougar who went around preying on guys with issues.
"His name's Ash," I said. I wasn't sure where to go from there.
"And....?" Mum prompted.
"And... he's a friend."
"Can I ask what happened to put him in hospital?"