Unintended

He nodded, his eyes still wide but softer. “I know. I know.”

When I’d first moved into Evie’s house, I was worried. Worried it would be awkward, or difficult, or that we’d run out of things to say to each other, but I’d been panicking over nothing. Evie was… she was the same at home as she was all the times I’d met her in public. She didn’t change her personality to suit her surroundings, she was just herself. Me? I was trying to be myself. And it was getting easier. Times when I wasn’t thinking about Natalie, when Evie and I were playing video games, or making dinner, or just chatting, I felt more relaxed. It was when I was alone that it was harder to cast out the bad thoughts.

I still hadn’t really treated Evie’s place like it was my own, and I knew I probably never would, because it wasn’t mine. I think she noticed how careful I was with everything. The night I’d spilled the tea in her room… for a second, I was right back at the flat, with Natalie looming over me, telling me I was a fucking klutz, waiting for her to push me to the floor and push my face into the mess I’d made before telling me to clean it up.

Yes. That happened.

But Evie wasn’t her. Evie had waited for me to calm down, made me a new cup of tea while I changed my trousers, and then cleaned up the mess while talking to me as if nothing had even happened.

If anything was making life easier, it was her. I knew I wouldn’t be able to rely on her forever, but she’d said I could stay for at least the next three weeks, while I recovered from the worst of my injuries and didn’t have to go to work. I was still in a lot of pain from my ribs and the back of my neck, but the bruising and cuts everywhere else were starting to go down. But more importantly than that, I felt calmer. I was far from ready to be back at work, but there was something, like a weight had been lifted off me where I felt safe to be myself for the first time in a long time.

On the morning of New Year’s Eve, I was sitting in the kitchen with a mug of coffee when Evie walked in, with a weird smile on her face. It was almost nervous-looking, but also slightly excited, and the expression made me laugh.

“What’s going on?” I asked as she sat down in the chair beside mine.

“I have a confession.” Her leg bounced up and down, smile still on her face. “Remember when I told you I have a list of things I want to do? And that one of them was to get a tattoo?”

“Yeah, I remember.”

“Well… when I was in town the other day, I might have… kind of… booked myself in for one. Today. This afternoon.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Wow. Go you.”

She chuckled. “I have a favour to ask.” She stopped bouncing her leg around and looked me in the eye. “I know you haven’t been out of here since you arrived, and it’s probably a lot to ask, but I’m nervous about this. I wondered if you might want to come with me? Just be there in case I pass out or throw up or something?”

She was absolutely right. I hadn’t left the house in days; something I felt pretty bad about. Evie had gone out a few times to get shopping, and I wanted to go, to contribute, but I wasn’t quite ready to leave the safe space I was in. For the first time in a long time, I felt okay. I wasn’t thinking about Natalie as much. I wasn’t always expecting a random blow or kick to hit me, and going outside, even for a little while, would shatter that. It wasn’t that I was thinking anyone would hurt me if I left the house, just that the peace of being there was starting to settle in and I wanted to make the most of that for as long as I could.

But this was different. This time, Evie needed something, and there was no way I could refuse. I didn’t want to. It was nowhere near enough to make up for all she’d done for me, but this was all I could do for the time being. I didn’t even need to think about it.

“Of course,” I said. “I can do that.”

“Thank you.” She let out a sigh of relief. “I’m excited to do it, but also, I’m so scared. I don’t really do pain, or needles or anything like that.”

“I don’t think anyone does,” I said. “Especially not needles.” I shuddered at the thought.

Evie picked up a coaster from the middle of the table and began turning it around in her hands. “I have one more thing I wanted to ask you, but on this one, if you say no, I promise I will understand. I mean, I would have understood if you’d said no to the tattoo thing too, but this one-”

I laughed again, interrupting her rambling, and she grimaced, pushing a strand of hair back from her face. “What is it?” I asked.

“So, every year, my friend Keely and her husband, Nick, have a New Year’s Eve party at their house.” I felt my shoulders clench before she’d even finished, but she quickly held up a hand. “It’s not a big deal. It’s usually just friends who live on the same street and some family members, and most of them have kids so, while it’s quite a house full, it’s nothing too wild. There’ll be drinks and snacks and music. Mostly people just sit around, chatting, having a laugh. I go every year, but I really don’t want to leave you on your own on New Year’s Eve so… do you want to come?”

There was a huge difference between going to sit with Evie while she had a tattoo and facing a bunch of strangers at a party. I knew for sure that some of Evie’s friends knew what had been happening with me, and I doubted they would judge, but I hated people knowing. Doesn’t matter how open

-minded people claim to be, there’s still a stigma about men who get beaten up by women.

“Okay,” she said after a minute, still grimacing. “Probably too much too soon, right?”

I nodded. “I think so. I’m sorry. I just don’t think I’m ready.”

She gave me a warm smile. “I understand. Will you think I’m a terrible person if I go? I won’t stay until midnight, but I should still drop in for a drink.”

“Evie, it’s fine if you want to stay until midnight. I ruined your Christmas, so I would rather not do the same for your New Year’s Eve. You deserve to have fun.”

She shook her head. “First of all, you didn’t ruin anything, and second of all, I would never allow anyone to see the New Year in alone if I could help it. So, I’ll go, but I’ll be back before half past eleven so we have time to grab a drink.”

I wasn’t sure if she was just being polite or if she really didn’t mind going home early, but either way, I appreciated it. I wasn’t in a place where I would do anything to hurt myself anymore, but I knew I’d probably start thinking about Natalie and Christmas and… that never led to anything good.

A couple of hours later, Evie and I were sitting next to each other in the tattoo shop, and Evie was skimming through a book of possible ink designs while I glanced around. The shop was only small, but when Evie told me the name of it, I did some research online and found out that, even though it was tiny, it was considered the best place in town. It was hard to tell from the lack of customers, but I figured New Year’s Eve was probably not a popular tattoo day with most people planning to go out later. The walls of the shop were covered in artwork for tattoos and photographs of, I guessed, tattoos they had done in the past. There were two men in the shop. One was behind the counter, and all I could see of him from my position was the top of his head. The other was the one who had greeted Evie and chatted to her when she came in. His name was Dave, and I think he’d sensed her nerves. He’d made us both some coffee, in the hope of calming her down.