Finally, I looked into his eyes, swallowing hard before speaking. “I’m pregnant.”
His eyes widened, his whole body stiffening. “What
did you say?”
“I’m pregnant, Jay.”
He blinked rapidly for a moment, looking like I’d short-circuited his brain with my words. “I don’t… I… what?”
I bit my lip to stop myself laughing, because this wasn’t funny. Not at all. But the tension had my emotions all over the place. Straightening my expression, I said, “You remember New Year’s Eve, right?”
Jay nodded slowly. “Of course I remember, but… we were careful.”
“Yeah. That’s what I kept saying when I found out too. But…” I paused and reached for my bag, pulling out an envelope and sliding it across the table towards him. “Take a look.”
He picked it up with shaky hands and pulled out the photo from my scan. His eyes misted over, and mine did too. I could see so much in his eyes. Shock, fear, memories. As he stared at the picture, he said, “You had your first scan already?”
I winced slightly. “I wanted to make sure everything was okay before I told you. And… there’s still one more thing.”
“What?” he asked, shaking his head. “You’re gonna tell me it’s twins next?”
Again, I laughed, and this time I didn’t try to stop it. When I nodded, his hand flew up to his mouth.
“Evie, are you messing me with me?” he said after a moment of staring at me again.
I shuffled closer to him. “One baby.” I pointed at the photo, then moved my finger along. “Two babies.”
His jaw dropped and then he reached forward with his free hand and downed half of his bottle of beer before placing it down on the table.
“And,” he stuttered, “everything is okay? They’re both okay?”
I swallowed down the emotions clogging my throat. “Yeah. They’re okay.”
Jay leaned back in his seat, his eyes still wide and moving from the photo to me. “Shit, Evie. I don’t know… I don’t know what to say.”
“Take all the time you need. I’m here all night, so, if you want to take a walk and let it sink in, I’ll be here.”
He shook his head. “I don’t want to walk. I’m… I’ll be okay, it’s just… this wasn’t what I was expecting.”
I figured it wouldn’t be. But I was too afraid to ask what he had been thinking. We had had no contact since New Year. I was pleased to see he looked better than he did then. He didn’t look as tired, and he had gained back some of the weight he’d lost. I hoped that meant that he was getting his life back on track after his break-up with Julia and clearing the air with me.
“Well,” I said, “I guess I felt it would be kinder to tell you face to face rather than over the phone. I know how hard it hit me, so I didn’t want you to go through it alone.”
Jay gave me a small smile and reached for my hand. “Thank you,” he said. “I think over the phone it would have been a lot harder to deal with.” He let out a short laugh, shaking his head. “I have no idea how I feel.”
“It took me a long time to figure that out too. I’m still figuring it out. Mostly, I’m scared every single day.” Feeling tears in my eyes again, I sighed. “But, I have a lot of people around me who know how to say the right things and make me feel better again.”
“How did your mum take it?” Jay smirked, and I laughed again.
I know I sometimes make my mum sound like a monster, but she wasn’t one. She did, however, have quite specific ideas of how my life should be, and sleeping with my ex-husband on New Year’s Eve didn’t not fall into her list of mum-approved behaviour. I really had planned to tell Jay before I told her, but she could read me better than anyone in the world. She knew something was going on and I didn’t want to lie to her.
“She’s excited,” I told him. “She’s the most excited of everyone who knows. Keely is close, but because she knows how worried I am about… you know… she manages to keep it under control most of the time.”
Jay, who still had my hand in his, squeezed it gently. “I can understand why you’re worried. I probably will be too when I get my head around it all, but right now… I think it’s kind of amazing.”
He smiled, and some of my fears eased.
“I don’t really know how this will work,” I said, taking my hand from his to pick up my drink. “I haven’t thought any further ahead than a day at a time so far, but I guess we need to think about how we’re going to do this. With the distance.”