“Be nice,” Otter says to Bear, kissing him on the cheek.
“Don’t yell too much,” Dom says to me, squeezing my hand.
Then they practically run from the room. The jerks.
“That went well,” I mutter. I lean against the wall and glare at my brother.
He’s watching the entryway where Dom and Otter disappeared. “It usually does with us.”
“Think before you talk, much? You just asked us if we were fucking. Jesus Christ.”
“What else was I supposed to say?”
“I don’t know. Maybe something with even a modicum of tact? That might be a good place to start. I’m not a kid anymore, Bear.”
“No,” he says. “You’re not.”
“You’ve got to start understanding that.”
“I do,” he says. “More than you could possibly know. Every day I’m reminded of it. Decisions made without my input. Things happening I can’t control.” He sighs. “It sucks.”
“That’s life.”
His eyes flash. “That’s not our life. We’ve always done things together. Made decisions together. Took steps together.”
I say nothing.
“Then all of these things happen,” he continues, starting to pace. “You announce to the world you’re gay without talking to me first. You get a boyfriend. You get hooked on the benzos. You almost flunk out of school. You didn’t care what I said. Or what Otter said. Or Corey. Anyone.”
“I did,” I say. “Eventually. It just took time.”
“It shouldn’t have!” he snaps. “It shouldn’t have.”
“But it did. I’m not perfect, Bear. I’ve fucked up. I know this. I make mistakes.”
“But you always talked to me about it,” he says. “Always. And then the shit started to hit the fan and I didn’t know about it. Do you know what it felt like, Kid, finding all those empty pill bottles stashed in your room? Do you know what it did to me, knowing how many hundreds of pills you’d gone through in the space of a few months?” He shakes his head angrily. “That killed me. And Otter. I’ve never gone through anything like that.”
“I’ve apologized for that,” I say coolly. “Many times. I don’t think I have it in me to keep apologizing. It’s over. I’m clean now.”
“I know.”
“I know it was stupid. I didn’t know what else to do!”
“It was because of Dom,” Bear says.
“That’s not fair,” I say hoarsely. “That’s not fair and you know it. Don’t you dare put that on him. He didn’t cause my mistakes. I did.”
“You know what I mean. It killed you, what happened.”
“It did. But that wasn’t all of it. It was a part. But not all.”
“And you think things will be any different now?”
I don’t know how we got to this point. It feels like we’re spiraling out of control. The anger in my chest is white hot, and I’m struggling to keep breathing. “You’re not my father. No matter how hard you try.”
“I know that,” he says helplessly. “But I am more than that. I am your brother.”
“Then why do you keep throwing shit back in my face? Why can’t you trust me on this?”