“Because I failed you,” he says. And with that, the fight seems to leave him. His shoulders slump and he looks down at his hands. “Because it’s my fault all of this happened. Everything you went through after we left.”
I sigh. “Bear. It wasn’t you. You know that.”
“Maybe if I’d—”
“There was nothing you could’ve done,” I tell him as gently as I can. “You or Otter. This was something that happened. It was something that ended. I got knocked on my ass, but I picked myself back up. You helped. You always do, and I don’t know if I could have done it without you.”
He shakes his head. “I keep thinking—” He stops as his voice breaks. “I keep thinking what would have happened. If I’d have lost you. I….”
“You didn’t.”
“It would’ve killed me,” he says, looking up at me. His eyes are bright. “If something had happened to you. If it does, if it ever does, I think I might just lie down right there and die. I can’t. Not without you. Not ever.”
“Bear—”
“You made me promise you. Do you remember? A long time ago, you made me promise that it’d always be you and me. Do you remember?”
I do. Bear and Otter had gone out one night. I was nine. Left with Mrs. Paquinn. It should’ve been fine. And it was, for a time. But then something hit me wrong. Bad dreams, bad feelings, bad something, and I was in the bathtub before I knew it.
I woke the next morning in Bear’s bed. Otter slept next to us. And I made him promise. Told him that if anything had happened to him, I’d die. Just like he tells me now.
“Yeah,” I say, my eyes burning. “I remember.”
“I promised you.” He’s shaking.
“I know.”
“I meant it.”
“I know.”
“Now, you promise me.”
I don’t hesitate. For him, I never will. “You and me, Bear.”
“Always?”
“Always.”
He takes a deep breath. I do the same. We let it out.
“Is it over?” he asks me.
I don’t know if it ever will be, but I don’t know what he means specifically. “What?”
“With her.”
There’s only one “her” he could mean. “Yeah,” I say. “It’s over.”
“She hurt you?” That fire returns to his eyes. That steel in his voice.
“No,” I tell him. “I wouldn’t let her. I….” I only hurt myself. I only allowed myself to feel that way. Nothing more. “She’s lost, Bear. And I don’t think she’s ever going to be found. Nothing’s changed. But….”
“What?”
“I met Izzie.”
His eyes widen. “Isabelle?”