“But we cried together,” I sputtered. “That’s how we know everything is okay!”
“Okay?” He sounded outraged. “You disappeared and took my ex-husband, who I was separated from but was considering a trial reconciliation with. How in the world is any of that okay?”
“We hugged, though.”
“Yes, we did. And you’re welcome for that. You must have really enjoyed being so close to me. But just because we hugged doesn’t mean I have decided whether or not to skin your flesh from your bones as of yet and wear it as a Sam suit to frighten all the children away.”
“So graphic,” I breathed.
“Indeed.”
“I get to wear your face,” Tiggy said, kissing my forehead. “Sam mask.”
“You would look so cool wearing my face,” I assured him. “And what others? Is it Ryan and Justin?” I gulped audibly. “Aren’t they with you?”
“They’re coming along shortly,” Gary said. “Ryan woke us all up in the middle of the night, saying he’d had a dream you were back in Camp HaveHeart and that he thought it was real, so Tiggy and I took off running, leaving them behind because we get to have the first We Hate You Reunion—and yes, that was capitalized, because it’s motherfucking true—since we are your oldest and dearest friends. Ryan and Justin remained behind, yelling after us for some reason I didn’t have time to think about.”
I cocked my head at him. “Maybe because you left them behind?”
“Oh. Right. Yeah. Huh. How about that. I guess I was just too much in a hurry to get here and yell at you because I hate you.”
“You don’t hate me.”
“Little bit.”
“Where were you, anyways? I was told you were on a mission—”
His eyes narrowed. “Who told you that?”
“Katya and Brant.”
“Ah yes,” Gary said. “Those two. Obvious ancillary characters who served no real purpose other than to reintroduce a dashing hero and will probably never be mentioned again.”
“Probably,” I agreed. “But they were nice people. And thank you for the dashing hero comment. I concur completely.”
“It was a figure of speech that doesn’t necessarily describe my feelings for you, you strange whore. And yes, they’re the nicest. How did you meet them? They were supposed to be infiltrating a Dark post.”
“We found them in the forest cornered by Caleb and some other Darks. I rescued them and—”
“Did you murder his entire existence?” Gary demanded.
I shrugged. “Nah. I used him to send Myrin a message that I was back and badass and stuff. Did this whole magic thing that was really impressive, if I do say so myself.”
“Well,” Gary said. “Not the direction I would have gone, but okay. I’ll allow it.”
“Also, I wore my hood while kicking their collective asses and didn’t reveal my identity until the end.”
“You bitch. How dare you try to upstage me with theatrics. I hate you.”
I grinned at him, face feeling a little tight. “Dude, I love you.”
“Obviously. I am the light of your life, as I should be.” He paused, then shook his head. “Just… don’t. Ever again, you understand me? We can’t—” He coughed and looked away. “We can’t be without you. Not that I need you or anything. I am a strong, independent unicorn who don’t need no mens, and I will not take your shit. Is that clear?”
“Crystal.”
“Good. Okay! All is forgiven.”
I blinked. “Really? That… huh. That was easier than I thought.”