His nostrils flared dangerously. “Would you like me to rethink that decision?”
“Nope,” I said hastily. ?
??I’m totally in agreement.”
“Hurray!” Kevin said. “I have never felt more jubilant than I do right now—”
“Not you,” Gary snarled, whirling back on the dragon. “You are still going to face my wrath when you least expect it.”
“You forgave Sam!”
“Of course I didn’t. I just said that to lull him into a false sense of security so that one day, when I come for him, he won’t be expecting me—I mean, yes, yes, I did forgive him. He’s my best friend and I love him so.” His eyes shifted side to side. Shiftily.
“Oh no,” I whispered. “My life is over.”
He smiled sweetly. “The moment you stepped foot back into Camp HaveHeart.”
“Should have waited for Justin and Knight Delicious Face?” Tiggy asked.
“Not at all,” Gary told him. “They have legs. We’re not their bitches. If they want to see Sam so bad, they can run here just like we did. And gods help them if they didn’t bring my luggage back. I will fuck their shit up.”
“I’m so dead,” I whispered.
CAMP HAVEHEART was awake and moving when we walked out the destroyed barn door, a crowd having gathered but quickly dispersing like they wanted us to think they hadn’t been listening in on every word. Mom and Dad were waiting for us on their porch, Vadoma seated next to them, her pipe between her lips. My parents looked relieved as we all walked out side by side, as if they expected missing limbs and kicked-in teeth. Which, to be fair, I’d expected too. Mom said something I couldn’t make out to Vadoma, but whatever it was, Vadoma just shook her head. Mom sighed and then pulled my father to fall in step beside us.
“Josh-pop,” Tiggy said, picking up my father and setting him on his shoulder. “Hi! I miss you. My brooms okay?”
“You don’t have to carry me,” Dad grumbled. “What if all the knights see?” Tiggy made to set him down, but Dad wasn’t fooling anyone when he pushed Tiggy’s hand away. “Your brooms are all accounted for. I made sure.”
“Good Josh-pop,” Tiggy crooned.
Mom was petting Gary’s mane. “Did you give him the ol’ what for?”
“He was crying and everything,” Gary said haughtily. “It was so embarrassing for him. Snot just dripping from his nose.”
“Hey! You cried too! Remember the whole bukkake thing?”
Gary stared at me. “Sam, how dare you speak like that in front of your dear, sweet mother. Honestly, Rosemary, I don’t know where he gets such things from. Obviously too much time was spent in the forest. I will correct that immediately. You can count on that.”
“Stupid fucking best friends,” I muttered. “I love you so godsdamn much.”
“Good,” Mom said to Gary. “And Kevin?”
“The bakery is closed for the foreseeable future,” Kevin said mournfully. “I can’t even get any biscotti.”
“Ew,” Mom, Dad, Tiggy, and I all said at the same time.
“The mission?” Dad asked from Tiggy’s shoulder.
“Unfortunately partially successful,” Gary grumbled. “But I told you they would be nothing but a pain in my ass. There was a reason I didn’t ask them for anything to begin with. I don’t like them that much.”
“But if they can help you find your horn, then don’t you think it’s worth it?” Mom asked, pressing a kiss to the side of his head.
“You say that now.”
“Your horn?” I demanded. “You found it? Who’s coming here? What can they do? Why am I yelling?”
“No,” Gary said, “we haven’t found it yet. There’s no point.”