“I punched seventeen people,” Tiggy said.
“And you’re my favorite giant ever,” I said. “They will tell stories of your bravery.”
“I punched and kicked people too,” Ryan said.
I ignored him.
“Awkward,” Gary whispered to Tiggy.
“You’re alive?” Eloise asked as she glared at me. “How is that possible?”
“Do god stuff,” I muttered, elbowing Kevin. “Be all godly.”
Kevin took a step forward, his claws digging into the earth. The crowd in front of us said, “Ooooh.”
When he spoke, his voice was deep and rumbly. He sounded ridiculous. “You approacheth my keepeth, mere mortals. What sayeth you for spaketh to me? Eth.”
“Oh my gods,” I said. “Dude. Come on. You had one job.”
“Forgive us, our lord dragon,” Eloise said, curtsying deeply. “We are truly blessed to be in your presence. You humble us by allowing our audience. You are truly a creature of magnificence and beauty.”
“Heh,” Kevin said. “Wicked.”
“My lord dragon, if I may,” Eloise said, eyeing me again. “Why do you harbor the sacrifice? Was the wizard not up to your obviously high standards? I would’ve assumed you’d have eaten him by now.”
“Hey,” I said, offended. “I am, like, the highest of standards.”
“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” Justin said under his breath.
“Hmm?” Kevin said. “Oh. Well. I was… saving him. For. A snack. Later. I have irritable bowel syndrome and he looks to be a bit… stringy.”
“Stringy? You listen here, motherfucker. I’ll cut you—”
“And loud,” Kevin said. “But those lips. I was waiting, I guess.”
Eloise’s eyes widened. “You wished to have us here to witness the sacrifice? Oh, my lord. What an honor.” She turned back to her people and clapped her hands together giddily. “The great and venerable dragon god is going to eat the wizard right in front of us!”
“What?” Kevin said.
“What?” I said.
Ryan tensed and tried to push me behind him again. This did not go unnoticed by Justin, who scowled at us.
“He’s not going to eat him,” Ryan snapped.
“I’m not going to eat him,” Kevin said.
“Why?” Eloise asked. Then she frowned. “Unless… you’re… not the god we thought you were.”
“What?” Kevin said. “Shut up. I am totally a god. So godlike. God of Dragons, they call me. Beast from the East. They all say so.”
“Who calls you that?” Gary asked curiously.
“You know,” Kevin said. “Them.”
“Well,” Eloise said. “If you truly are a god,
then you should eat the wizard. We are your loyal subjects and we have provided a sacrifice for you.”