“Let’s try it again,” I suggested.
“Try what?”
“The whole I have a dragon thing,” I said. “It’ll work this time.”
“You have a dragon,” Wan said, sounding dubious.
“Yeah,” I said. “Well, sort of. I think he’s trying to be my dad now, which is weird.”
“What?”
“I know, right?” I looked over my shoulder. Absolutely nothing. “So, blah, blah, blah. Guess what I have. A DRAGON!”
My voice echoed in the trees.
Nothing.
“For real?” I muttered. “Gods. Those assholes.” I looked back at Wan. “Hold on just a second, okay? If he doesn’t come, we can duel to the death or whatever.”
“You’re so weird,” he said.
I grinned. “Thanks.” Then, “KEVIN!”
“Yeah?” he finally called back through the trees.
“Can you come here, please?”
“Kind of busy, buddy.”
“I’m not your buddy because you aren’t even my real dad!”
“Sam,” Gary called out. “That was mean. Say you’re sorry.”
“No!”
“Don’t make me come over there,” Gary warned.
“Gary, it’s fine,” Kevin said. “He just needs time to adjust.”
“Sorry about this,” I told Wan. “They have been in a monogamous relationship for nine days and apparently, two magical creatures together like that suddenly start acting like lesbian albatrosses and mate for life or something.”
“Lesbian albatrosses,” Wan repeated.
“You know, the birds? Notorious for monogamy and life partners. Like lesbians. I don’t know. My life, right?”
Wan said, “How are you even a real person?”
I shrugged and said, “My parents boned and then I came out. How is anyone a real person? Boning. KEVIN, GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE.”
“Gods,” I heard Gary complain loudly. “It’s like puberty with him all over again.”
“We’ll get through it,” Kevin rumbled, and I finally heard them start moving into the woods. “He can’t be a dick to us for long. I’ll tan his hide and maybe suck on his cock a little.”
“So gross,” I muttered. I looked up at Wan. “Don’t listen to him. He’s not my dad and he doesn’t blow me.”
“I don’t even know what to think,” Wan said.
I sighed. “I get that a lot. Okay, get ready.”