That wasn’t fair. Pinning so much on the girl. But it was the truth.
Cap was the only thing keeping me going. I breathed for her now.
I killed for Carmine—but I lived for Cap.
She showed up around two-fifteen. Walked toward the Chevy looking like a goddess. Hair down, dressed all in black. She climbed into the passenger side and I nodded at her. She looked exhausted as she wrapped her arms around herself.
“There’s a playground nearby,” she said. “Let’s go sit on the swings.”
She didn’t smile at me. I shrugged and drove. Found the playground nearby and parked. We got out and walked over. The swings were old and metal and cold.
She swung back and forth slowly. I sat and didn’t move.
“I’m worried about you,” I said as she moved. Her hair swayed in the moonlight. She was beautiful and I wanted to touch her, but something about her posture kept me back. I was worried I’d go too far and scare her off. Last night happened suddenly, and it’d been intense. By far the most intense sex of my life with the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. I was afraid I’d lose it if I spooked her.
“Don’t be.” She wouldn’t look over. “I’ve been thinking about something.”
“Yeah? What’s that?”
“Something I did. Something you need to know about.”
I felt a stillness. Like that sudden calm right before a fight.
“Go ahead. Tell me.”
She still wouldn’t look. Just kept swinging. Swaying forward and back. Not going far, but moving. Like she was too restless to stay still.
“When Carmine was alive, we had this sort of unspoken agreement. He wanted me to feel comfortable with his family, so I went to his place as often as I could. I’d spent time with his mom. Talked to his dad. How well did you know Placido and Blaca?”
“They were good people. Blaca was one hell of a cook. Smartest person I’d ever met too. Placido, I respected him like a father.”
“That was my impression too. I loved them, Mal. They made me feel so welcome. It was warm in their house, you know? So warm and so different from my own life.”
“Your father,” I said quietly, and my rage simmered just beneath the surface.
“He’s always been a bastard.” Her face was tense as she stared out over the playground. Still not looking at me. I wanted her to look at me so bad. But it was like she’d put up a shield, and it’d break if we made eye contact.
“I remember. I knew it the second we first met.”
“You’re one of the first people that noticed immediately. It took Carmine months to figure it out. I thought I was good at hiding.”
“I know abuse.” I didn’t elaborate. Didn’t need to. She understood about my parents. They weren’t good people. They didn’t hurt me like her father hurt her, but my parents didn’t make my life easy. When I went to live with Gran, things got a lot better, but I never lost that sixth sense for smelling out rotten home lives. I smelled it on Capri the second we met.
“Carmine wanted me to feel at home with his parents. So one afternoon before my dad picked me up, he told me something. He whispered it in my ear and grabbed my hand and made me pinky-promise not to tell anyone.”
I smiled. I remembered making pinky-promises with Carmine. “What was it?”
“The code to the back gate.”
My smile drifted away. I knew the one she meant. That gate was for deliveries and was only ever opened by a guard. It was a big thing, covered the back door to the compound. They kept it locked at all times. Carmine never gave that code to me, although I never asked for it. I spent a lot of time with him and his folks, but I was never a part of their family. It was never like that.
I felt a strange pang of jealousy. But Carmine was dead and Capri was supposed to marry him. I couldn’t hold the past against her. Not now, when the future was so tenuous.
“Why are you telling me this, Cap?”
She stopped swinging. Took a deep breath. “I made a mistake. I think it’s the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, and I’ve been killing myself inside about it for a while now. I’m so sorry, Mal. I wish I’d told you sooner, but I’ve been so afraid.” She turned to me. Tears in her eyes. I shifted closer to her. I reached out to try to comfort her, but she shook her head. “Please, don’t.”
“What happened? Cap, what happened?”
“I wrote the code in my diary. Six, four, eight, five. I can tell you now, since it doesn’t matter anymore. I wrote it down because I was afraid I’d forget it. I thought my diary was hidden. But it wasn’t hidden good enough.”