The sun is still high in the sky as I head for my truck, parked in the farthest possible corner of the lot, closest to the tree line. My face is frozen with a smile to mask the ugliness beneath in case anyone is out here, until I crawl into the driver’s seat and shut the door behind me.
That’s when the first sob wrenches from me.
I try to swallow it.
“I’m happy for them.”
“I’m happy for them.”
“I’m happy for them,” I chant over and over again.
And I am so happy for them.
But at this very moment, I’m so utterly unhappy for me, for the things I’m beginning to accept I may never have.
The pitiful tears win out, rolling down my cheeks in rivulets that feel like they may never end now that I’ve let them loose.
My passenger door opens, and Tyler climbs in, shutting the door behind him.
Oh God. An already horrendous situation has suddenly gotten ten times worse. The last thing I want is to have to explain myself to anyone, but especially to him.
I turn away before he can see my face, wiping my palms against my cheeks as covertly as possible. “Finished meeting the entire bar already?” I force out, my voice strained as I struggle to suppress my tears.
With a heavy sigh, he slides across the bench seat.
“I’m fine.” I’m clearly not fine, and he knows that.
I tense as his arm slips over my shoulders. “Come here, Marie.” He’s strong, but I don’t resist when he angles me toward him, his other hand collecting my chin and gently guiding it into the crook of his neck, a hiding spot so I don’t have to meet his gaze. I appreciate that.
“It’s not what you think,” I manage, my body stiff against his even as I absorb the pleasing scent of his skin.
“It doesn’t matter what I think. But I’m not thinking anything.” His fingers weave through my hair in tiny but calming strokes. It almost feels like a hug, the way he’s wrapped around me. “I saw you leave, and I knew something was wrong.”
His kind words are pushed aside as dread grips me. “Did anyone else notice me leave?” Jonah and Calla unintentionally announce their pregnancy, and I—his best friend—run out, ready to burst into tears?
“Nah. They were all pretty wrapped up in your friends. I only had a second to escape while people were distracted, so I took it.” His hand has not stilled as he talks. “Did you know Thomas White needs hernia surgery? And Dylan something or other is divorcing the same woman a second time?”
Despite my abysmal mood, I offer a weak laugh. “You got the full Muriel experience, town gossip and all. Must mean she really likes you.”
His responding chuckle is relaxing, and it allows me to focus on my breathing as we sit quietly in my truck.
“Thank you. I think I’m okay now.” I start to pull away.
Tyler’s arms tighten, holding me in place. My ears catch his hard swallow. “I remember when Mila told me she was pregnant.” His voice has turned croaky, hollow. “I’d been out all night, helping search the dark for two teens who’d gone missing. Followed the tracks in the snow until the wind covered them. Then we had nothing to go by. Anyway, I got home feeling drained and defeated, and there she was, sitting at the kitchen table with a white plastic stick in her hand.” There’s another long pause. “I’ll never forget the look on her face when she held it up to show me. She knew how much I wanted kids. How happy I would be.”
Maybe I wasn’t the only one needing a moment to myself after watching the accidental announcement unfold. This time, when I try to pull away from Tyler, he allows it, though he keeps his arm around my shoulders. I smooth my hands over my cheeks to catch any wayward tears. “I’m sorry you had to go through what you did.”
His jaw is rigid as he swallows. His focus is on the tree line ahead as he asks, “So, if it’s not what I think it is, then what is it?”
I shake my head. “I can’t.”
“You can.” A thumb and index finger pinch my chin, turning my face toward his. The raw sincerity in his expression squeezes my heart and loosens my tongue.
I feel the words tumbling out. “Jonah’s my best friend, but I used to be in love with him.”
Tyler’s eyebrow twitches, the only reaction to my confession.
“He was my pilot when I’d fly to the villages in the west. We met when I was engaged to someone else and became good friends instantly. But I saw us ending up as more one day. I hoped we would end up as more, and I misread things.” I hesitate. “I left my fiancé for that possibility.”