He nods slowly, as if pieces are beginning to make sense. “The guy at the coffee shop that you didn’t want to be talking to.”
“Yeah. He didn’t take it well, obviously. Anyway, Jonah met Calla and fell in love with her, she moved here to be with him, they got married. And now they’re having a baby, and that’s that.” It sounds so simple.
“And you’re still in love with him?”
“No.” I laugh. “I still love him, but not like that anymore. No, that started to fade when I realized that whatever I thought was there … wasn’t. I’m happy for him. Really, I am. Even though it might not look like it right now. He asked me to be his best man at their wedding, and I did because I wanted to. I was honored to be there. I just—” I falter as the lump flares and the tears burn again. “I’m lonely.” Those words … God, I hate admitting that out loud. It makes me feel pathetic.
“Everyone around me is moving forward with their lives. Getting married, having kids, and here I am, thirty-eight, alone and without any prospects.” Liz’s voice echoes in my mind. “I want children. I want children. And a husband. I want that in my life. And there’s this clock ticking, and it’s getting louder and louder every day, and it’s scaring the shit out of me. The idea that someone will come along in time doesn’t seem real anymore. What if Jonathan was it, and I blew it?” I’m rambling without any filter now. This is by far the most candid and vulnerable I’ve ever been with anyone, and I can’t believe it’s with this guy.
“You have enough friends,” he whispers. “That’s what you meant.”
We’re too far down the path of embarrassing truths for me to turn back now. “I thought we clicked. You know, during the race. Not so much before the race.”
He snorts.
“But I guess I completely misread things, again.”
He rubs my shoulder gently. “You didn’t misread anything.” His eyes flip to my mouth before he averts his gaze. “You’re the first woman I’ve kissed since Mila.”
“And you thought I was her while you were doing it.”
“Yeah. Not going to lie, that was a rough wake-up.” He purses his lips. “There I was, running Mila’s dogs, and kissing another woman. Ready to do a lot more than kiss. The whole back half of the race, I felt guilty.”
“She wouldn’t understand?”
“She would. She’d want me moving on by now. The problem is, it’s been two years, and I still haven’t figured out how this could ever have happened to us. How the hell do I figure out how to move on?”
It seems we’re both showing our vulnerabilities in this truck tonight.
I hesitate but then take the leap and ask softly, “How did she die?”
“An amniotic fluid embolism. Very rare, the doctors told me. Very rare, but serious.” The muscle in his jaw ticks. “Maybe if we’d gotten to the hospital sooner, at least my son would have survived. But I guess there’s no point in dwelling on what can’t be changed …” Something pulls Tyler’s attention behind me, through the back window. “I think he’s looking for you.”
“Who?” I check the side-view mirror to see Jonah’s hulking frame wandering the crammed parking lot, scowling as he searches. For my truck, I’m sure. My stomach drops. “Oh God, he can’t know I’m out here, crying. How bad is it?” I check the rearview mirror and gasp with dismay at the streaks of mascara. “He can’t see me like this! This is, like, the happiest day of his life. What kind of friend am I?” Just the idea of the look on Jonah’s face when he sees me has more tears—this time of horror—streaming down my cheeks.
“What do I do?” I look to Tyler in a panic, knowing there’s nothing I can do to keep this nightmare from playing out.
“We can make it too awkward for him to come here.” His eyes land on my mouth a second before his lips follow, parting mine gently. I can taste the beer he had before coming out as surely as he can taste mine, but it’s far from unappealing. I respond, tangling my tongue with his.
It takes me a second to cut through my shock—Tyler is kissing me, while conscious—and clue in. He assumes Jonah will see this and change his mind about banging on my window to see where I ran off to. He doesn’t know Jonah like I do, though.
“This isn’t going to work. He can be a bit of an ox,” I whisper against Tyler’s mouth.
“No?” There’s a pause and then Tyler hooks his hand around my thigh and hauls me onto his lap with startling strength, until I’m straddling his thighs, my hands settled on his muscular shoulders. “How about this?” There’s no caution this time as he seizes the back of my head and pulls my face into his, his lips prying mine open. I feel a tug at the hem of my dress and then his other hand sneaks beneath. Calloused fingers skim over my bare skin along my thigh, sending a pulse of anticipation into my core.