I’ve never even been in a canoe. I tried the rowing machine at my gym once, but I couldn’t read my magazine with the constant moving, so I gave that up real quick. Now, I have to spend two hours in one paddling down a river called Grand Rapids?! I don’t even get a big strapping man to do all of the work. I’m stuck with a scrawny nine-year-old. I’m starting to panic.
“Are you okay, Aunt Mia?” Violet asks, looking at me funny.
“Great!” I say between gulps of air.
She frowns as she looks down at my hands that are clenching in and out of fists.
Captain Candy Land comes over and smiles at my niece. “Grab a life jacket and head on down to the water, Violet.”
“Okay!” Violet says before darting away with a bounce in her step.
The smile melts from the leader’s face once we’re alone. “There’s no alcohol permitted on this trip,” she says in a stern voice.
“I’m not… I didn’t…” I let out a sigh as she gives me a dirty look before marching away.
This is going great.
Aunt of the year over here.
I grab a life jacket from the pile, thoroughly check it for bugs, and then put it on. I can feel my heart pounding through it as I walk down to the river.
The current isn’t so bad here, but two hours is a long time and I don’t know what the river holds up ahead.
I guess I’m about to find out.
“I got us the fastest canoe!” Violet says as she waves me over.
“The fastest!” I say nervously. “Great!”
It’s so wobbly as I step in. I let out a scream when we almost tip over into the ankle-deep water. Everyone stops what they’re doing and watches me as my cheeks burn a bright red.
“We’re good!” I say with a nervous laugh as I look around.
Carla frowns as she leans into another mother’s ear. “She’s been drinking,” she whispers. The mother nods as she gives me a disapproving glare.
“I… never mind…”
A few of the canoes are already going down the river, so I grab the oar and push off with a sigh.
I don’t like it. It’s so shaky.
There’s no way I’m not getting soaking wet on this trip.
My pulse is racing as we drift into the middle of the river. Violet is a pro with the paddle, moving and turning us at will.
It’s all for her, I tell myself as I look at her back. It’s all for her.
I had an aunt growing up that I always looked up to. Aunt Sheila was always so knowledgeable and sophisticated. I could talk to her about anything and I did—history, art, books, classical music, you name it. I loved sitting at her kitchen table and listening to her talk. She always made me a tea and I always pretended to like it. Just the smell of Jasmine Earl Grey will bring me back to that table when I was a wide-eyed girl soaking in all of this amazing woman’s knowledge.
I wanted to be that kind of aunt for Violet, but we’re just not into the same things. She’s a born adventurer and I’m the opposite. I’m out of my element out here. I’m not the outdoorsy type like she is so I have nothing to teach her.
I did try to prepare by watching a few YouTube videos, but videos about how to set up tents and tie certain knots were too hard to follow, so I put Stranger Things on instead.
“Oh, look at that tree!” I say, pointing at the line of trees. “That’s a Demogorgon tree.”
Violet turns to me with a skeptical look as I nod in encouragement. “Demogorgon?” she says with a raised eyebrow. “Isn’t that from Stranger Things?”
Shit, she’s only nine. I didn’t think she’d know about Stranger Things.
“Oh yeah,” I say with a hard swallow. “I guess the show named it after that tree.”
“You don’t have to do that, Aunt Mia.”
“Do what?”
“Pretend like you know stuff. I’m just glad to have you here. I invited you because I wanted to spend time with you, just the two of us, not because I expected you to know everything.”
Awwww. She’s so sweet.
“And that was just a basic maple tree.”
“Yes. I knew that.”
We both laugh as the canoe drifts away.
Maybe I’m not so bad at this after all. Maybe I can even become one with nature on this trip. I can learn to love it.
I can become the outdoorsy type…
Nope! Definitely not!
I am not cut out for this.
It’s been well over two hours and we’re still freaking paddling!
There are blisters on my hands, the sun is scorching the back of my neck, my ass hurts, I’m tired, cranky, and I really have to go pee. And to top it all off, there’s an asshole black fly who keeps buzzing around and biting me! It’s been following me for the last mile.