“Ow!” I shout as I slap my arm. The jerk escapes and I hit myself for nothing. I grit my teeth as my arm stings.
“Is he still following you?” Violet asks as she turns around.
I force out a smile. “Yup! Still following me! I guess he wants to be my friend.”
She turns back around and the smile disappears immediately. “Asshole fucking fly,” I mutter under my breath just as Carla’s canoe passes us. She frowns and paddles away, shaking her head.
“I was just… there’s a bug… aw, fuck it.”
I take a deep breath and shake my head as I plunge the oar back into the water. My damn shoulders are killing. I would pay a grand for a massage right now.
“The landing is just up ahead!” Carla announces to the group.
“Oh, thank God,” I spit out as everyone cheers.
“We’re stopping at that sandy beach,” she says as she points to it. “Do not go past that beach! The rapids really pick up around the bend.”
I’m so happy this is almost over. I need to stretch out. I need to go pee.
Canoes start landing on the beach and Violet helps guide ours over as people get out and unload all of the stuff. Officer Candy Land didn’t trust my canoeing skills enough to put any of the gear into our canoe, so ours is empty except for my backpack.
That asshole black fly returns and I try to swat it away as we head toward the beach.
“Keep it straight,” Violet says as she tries to fit between two parked canoes. “Aunt Mia!”
“I’m trying!” I say as I shoot my arm out, swatting the black fly away. “This thing is trying to bite my face!”
Violet slips off her shoes and jumps into the ankle-deep water. She tosses her shoes onto the sand before turning around to try and pull the canoe in by hand, but I drift away out of her reach.
“Haha!” I shout as the fly lands on the seat in the middle of the canoe. It’s totally exposed and vulnerable as I lift up my paddle, ready to whack it into a pile of green goo.
It thought it was going to follow me around the whole trip, slowly eating me one bite at a time, but it’s got another thing coming. I’m a wild woman. I’m the top of the food chain.
“Aunt Mia!” Violet shouts as the canoe drifts further away. “Paddle back!”
I’m well past the beach now, but I can’t let this fly win. It’s been torturing me for the last forty minutes and I’m going to bash its freaking brains in.
“Fuck you!” I shout as I slam the paddle down hard. The canoe starts wobbling viciously as the fly flies away unharmed.
My nemesis escapes, but I have bigger concerns now. The canoe is flopping from side to side as I struggle not to flip over.
I grab onto the sides and steady it, but in the process, the oar slips out of my hands and floats away.
“Oh, you gotta be freaking kidding me!” Carla shouts with her arms in the air when she sees me. “This is why you don’t drink and canoe!”
“I haven’t been drinking!” I shout back as I drift further and further away. Man, the current is really picking up now.
Carla wasn’t lying. I’m really starting to move.
Shit. Oh no!
This is not good!
The paddle is so far away. There’s no chance of reaching it.
I put my hand in the water and try to paddle back with it, but it does nothing.
The canoe flies around the bend and gets turned around. I’m flying down the river backward, looking at the group as they get smaller and smaller, and then finally disappear as the strong current takes me on a vicious ride.
Trees fly by in a blur. Rough waves slap against the side of the canoe, making it even more unsteady. I pick up speed as I go and go and go.
I’m so far away now.
My heart is pounding as I go even further. I have no idea where I am and I have no supplies. No food, no water, no toilet paper, no nine-year-old kid to tell me what to do.
It can’t get worse than this.
At least, I don’t think it can.
Until I hear the waterfall…
Chapter Two
Mia
* * *
“Oh shitty fuck fuck you gotta be kidding me!” I scream as the roar of the waterfall gets louder behind me.
I try to turn around but this thing is so unsteady in the rough water and I’m having a hard time keeping it upright as it is.
“What should I do? What should I do?” I scream to the trees.
They don’t answer. Shocking.
See this is why I hate nature! It doesn’t help at all! If I’m in an emergency back home, I can pull out one of my many helpful screens and google the answer.