How long had it been since a man last kissed her?
Well over a year. Ugh, maybe even two. She missed kissing. The feel of a man’s lips on hers. The heat of his body radiating against her. The firmness of muscles under her hands. She hadn’t had much of it, but JP was opening a well of craving for the things she had experienced and everything she hadn’t. She’d spent too many hours wondering about all the things he could show her if their situation wasn’t so complicated.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, making her blink and draw back.
Had she been drifting closer to him?
She frowned as she shook her head.
“For the other day.”
Right. The reason he’d invited her there. To apologize. Not to kiss her.
She straightened as though a bucket of melted snow fell right over her head.
Kiss him? Was she out of her mind? He was the father of Mary Anne’s child, for crying out loud. She needed to keep that fact at the front of her mind at all times. “Don’t worry about it. Really.”
He placed a hand over hers where it rested on her thigh, and she nearly swooned from the scratchy feeling of his calluses.
“I only found out Kayla existed about ten days ago. It was also the first time I’d heard from Mary Anne, her mother, since I met her. I had no idea she was sick, no idea she was pregnant, and no idea she had died. In case you haven’t picked up on it, I’ve been having a little trouble adjusting. But that’s no excuse for taking my frustration out on you. I was out of line.”
Ugh, a man who genuinely apologized for his mistakes. The guy was a unicorn. “JP, it’s really okay. Besides the fact that it isn’t any of my business, you’re more than entitled to be upset about the situation. I can’t begin to imagine how it would feel to be in your shoes. You received life-altering news with no time to prepare and no choice on what to do moving forward.”
And that was the truth. For so long, she’d listened to Mary Anne’s perspective and prepared with her sister for Kayla’s arrival. JP had no time to prepare. Look at how Mary Anne reacted to the news of her diagnosis. No one would think running out and purposely getting pregnant was a healthy response to life-altering news. But no one knew how they would handle something as terrifying as their own mortality until it crashed into them. As shocked as she’d been by what her sister had done, and as wrong as it had been, watching JP struggle through his own shock was helping process her sister’s actions. Her heart hurt to imagine how scared and alone Mary Anne must have felt when she received her diagnosis.
“JP, I have no right to judge you and forgave your reaction almost as soon as I left your house.”
“Well, I’m not so sure I deserve such quick forgiveness, but thank you. Reality is, people are going to ask about Kayla’s mother, so I need to come to terms with it.”
Unfortunately, he was right about that. Though she’d forgiven him and even empathized, one thing had been on her mind the past few days. “Can I ask you something?”
He smirked. “Sure. I even promise not to lose my shit.”
“You said you never wanted children. Okay, that’s not really a question, but…” She shrugged. “You’re good with Kayla.”
“Yeah.” He blew out a long breath then scrubbed both hands over his face. As he stared out over the gorgeous landscape, he sighed, and she felt the weight of it in her own heart. “It’s not like I hate kids or anything. And I’m not an unreliable loser. I keep my promises and fulfill my commitments. I had a shitty childhood. My mom died when I was young, and my old man is garbage. Abusive, neglectful, your basic horrible husband and father. Wasn’t willing to see if I’d turn out the same, so I stayed away from relationships and children. I decided to live my life the opposite way. No full-time job, no relationship, no responsibility. It’s fun, and no one gets hurt. Or so I thought.”
No wonder he’d had a hard time adjusting. “I’m sorry that choice was taken from you.”
He shrugged. “When I say it out loud, I realize what a selfish prick it makes me.”
“No.” Now it was her turn to rest her hand on his. “A selfish prick would shirk the responsibility right in front of his face. You may not have been looking for Kayla, but you’re giving her your all.”
With a snort, he shook his head. “No. I’m not. I still don’t have a job. I live with my siblings. I drive a death trap.”
“Didn’t you say it’d only been a week or so? Cut yourself some slack. No one can expect you to have all your stuff together already.”