He grunted. “You know I didn’t hold her or acknowledge her for the first few days. Mickie and Keith did everything for her.”
“Hey.” She squeezed his hand, which caused him to meet her gaze finally. “I stand by what I said. Cut yourself some slack. You needed a minute to breathe. To process. It’s okay, JP. You didn’t abandon her. She wasn’t neglected. She was in good hands with your brother and Mickie. So many kids have it much worse when a parent dies. Trust me.When M—uh, my friend’s sister passed away and, um, left a young child, that baby had it much worse.”
Oh, my God. What the hell was wrong with her? She nearly blurted out how difficult it had been when Mary Anne died, and she was left caring for Kayla with her parents. “Anyway, uh, you stepped up.”
Please don’t notice my screw up.
His brow scrunched, but she nodded. After an extended silence, he turned his palm up and interlaced his fingers with hers. Hannah tensed, then forced herself to relax. It was nothing but hand holding. He didn’t need to know about the ridiculous sensations coursing up her arm or making her belly flutter. The man needed support. An understanding ear.
What he didn’t need was Mary Anne’s sister lying to him day after day, but that ship had already sailed. She had no choice but to continue with the lie despite the shame she experienced when she laid her head down each night.
“For a few days, I thought about searching around to see if Mary Anne had any family that would raise Kayla.”
Hannah’s ears burned, and she held her breath. This was it. A moment she could push her parent’s agenda. She could sway him. Convince him the best choice for his daughter would be Mary Anne’s family. His daughter would be raised by two people who loved her. Two people who could provide for her financially. And Hannah would be there every step of the way.
But then he said, “In the end, I dismissed the idea.”
“Why?” Was that her voice? That gravelly croak?
When he looked at her, the conflict was clear as day in his eyes. Love for Kayla combined with resentment for the drastic changes in his life. “Because she is my daughter. My flesh and blood. What kind of man would I be if I walked away from her when she’d already lost her mother? I might have a shitload of growing up to do, but she is my daughter. For Christ’s sake, she has my eyes. My hair. She’s mine. I made her. And as overwhelming and terrifying as this all is, it’s also pretty fucking spectacular, you know?”
Her throat thickened. “Yeah,” she whispered. “It is.” If only her sister had the chance to know this man. To see this mix of fear and determination in his eyes. To witness the transformation as he went from stressed and uncertain to smitten with his daughter. And he’d get there. He was already well on his way to falling head over heels in love with Kayla.
Some might criticize him for not experiencing an instant connection. For not taking one look at her and developing an unbreakable bond born of paternal love. But not Hannah. Maybe before Mary Anne had told her the whole story, she’d have judged him with a harsher eye, but Mary Anne was the perfect example of how extreme shock could lead a person to make out-of-character decisions. He hadn’t even gone that far. JP took a few days to get his head screwed on right, then jumped with both feet into the heavy responsibility of raising a daughter on his own.
She was so screwed. She straight-up wanted him. The man who’d had a child with her sister. He’d been with her sister. Why, oh why did it have to be him who woke these feelings and desires in her? The reasons she could never have him counted into the thousands with the fact that he’d slept with her sister at the very top. Being adopted, they weren’t blood related, but still, they’d been more than family. They’d been best friends.
“Fuck,” he said with an awkward grunt of laughter. “I didn’t mean to make shit so serious. I just wanted to apologize.” Then he shrugged. “Guess I might have needed to talk, though, because it feels really fucking good to get that all out. So, thanks for listening.”
“I’m glad I was here. I’m sure a lot is going on inside your head right now. It can’t be good to keep it bottled up. But you have a great support system in your family. I’m pretty sure any one of them would be more than willing to listen.”
“Yeah. I know. For some reason, it was easier to talk to you. You don’t have any preconceived opinions of me. Well, maybe you do after my outburst the other day.” He squeezed her hand but didn’t release it.