Lifeline

“Let’s take this inside,” I hear Rossi say. She grabs hold of my shoulders and helps me to my feet. I’m taken into the house and shoved down on the couch.

My breaths come too fast, my heart threatening to pound of out my chest.

Screams.

Cries.

Zef Rama forcing his way inside me. His hands all over me. The repulsion.

Doubling over, a wail tears through me. Rossi grabs hold of my jaw, forcing my face up, and then she barks, “Open your mouth.” I do as she says, and she places a pill under my tongue. It dissolves, and I keep staring at her until a medicated calmness washes through my body.

Rossi climbs to her feet and hands Lindsay the bottle of medication. “Give her one if she has an anxiety attack. She needs to be at the bureau at eight a.m.”

Lindsay nods and lets Rossi out, then she comes to sit next to me, pulling me into her arms.

After long minutes of just holding me, she asks, “What happened?”

Closing my eyes, I admit the truth for the first time, “I lost O’Brien.”

Sitting in a room with Chief Archer and three other Agents, it feels as if months have passed.

It’s only been three days since I last saw O’Brien, but it might as well be an eternity.

“What happened on the yacht?” Chief Archer asks.

My tongue darts out, wetting my dry lips. “There was a party for the new soldiers.” O’Brien had to fuck me to pass a test. “There were seven Albanian men. Berisha, Idrizi, Sadiki, three I can’t identify, and…” I inhale a stale breath. “Zef Rama.” My soul shrivels. Daniel. Daniel. Daniel. “The girls on board were raped. I know of one who was murdered.” I clear my throat, wetting my lips again. “Agent O’Brien… protected me.” I glance at the desk, the papers, the pens, the cups of coffee. “As best he could.”

“What do you mean by that?” Chief Archer asks, his tone softer because he already knows. He was there when they took evidence off me, drew blood, did tests, and gave me meds to counter an unwanted pregnancy.

Slowly I blink. Daniel. Daniel. Daniel. “Zef Rama raped me. Agent O’Brien was forced to watch.”

Tension fills the air until it becomes suffocating.

“Let’s take a five-minute break,” Chief Archer murmurs.

I dart up, and I’m out of the office before any of them have even moved. Rushing down the hallway, I keep going until I slam a door open and burst out onto the smoking area.

As if my imagination has conjured O’Brien up, I see him standing at the edge, staring down at the traffic below.

“Daniel,” I gasp, my feet moving like magnets drawn to him. O’Brien turns, and the moment he sees me, it looks like an invisible force takes a swing at him. He jerks, his face setting into pained lines.

I don’t stop until I plow into him, my arms wrapping around his waist. “God,” I breathe. I missed you. I need you.

His hands settle on my shoulders, and instead of hugging me, he pushes me back. “Got to go. I’m busy with my debriefing.” He moves around me and leaves me standing without another word as he stalks back into the building.

Lifting my trembling hands, I cover my mouth. It feels as if the very ground is shaking beneath my feet.

I can live with the guilt.

I can get through the rape.

But I won’t survive losing him.

O’Brien

What’s left of my damned soul gasps a dying breath.

I take a seat at the table where Director Ramos is taking the lead on my debriefing because he knows I’m close with Chief Archer.

“Where were we?” he sighs as he checks the papers in front of him. “Dobroshi dropped you off because he had a family emergency. What happened then?”

“I boarded the yacht.” My tone is flat. I’ve been at this for three days now and just want to get it over with. I go through what happened on the deck and pause when I get to the cabin. Inhaling, my chest swells with guilt instead of air. “Agent Jefferson was tied to a cross.” Breathe. “Naked.” Breathe. “My final test was to…” My skin crawls, and I shift in the chair. “Was to have intercourse with her.”

I raped her.

I fucking raped JJ.

My mind reels, spiraling down the dark hole filled with her tears and screams.

“Did you?”

Bile smolders in my gut. “Yes.”

I raped her.

She fucking trusted me with her life. She respected me. She had me on a fucking pedestal.

I failed her.

“What happened then?”

I broke into unrecognizable pieces.

I paraded her in front of the other men, molested her for my sick pleasure.

“The party happened. Girls were… raped. One was murdered and thrown overboard. I don’t know her identity.” I don’t know any of them or what happened to them. I transported every one of those girls to their doom.