“We wanted to come out in person and let you all know that an autopsy was done, and it has been ruled an accidental death. There were high amounts of alcohol in Taj’s system, enough to cause him to pass out and fall. There were absolutely no signs of a struggle or any other damage on his body, and the fall is consistent with him going backward and landing on the rock we found him laying on. We wanted you to know.”
Accidental?
Could it truly be accidental?
If there were no signs of a struggle, high levels of alcohol and nothing else to show he was hurt intentionally, then maybe Rhett is right, maybe he had the blanket wrapped around him and he tripped on it, maybe fell because he couldn’t catch his balance. It makes sense.
Rhett speaks to the police officers for a moment longer, signing a few things, and I turn to Kara, she looks relieved. “I was so scared when he came in here just now,” she whispers, “I know I am the only person they thought could have done it if it wasn’t ruled accidental, but I’d never hurt anyone, let alone Taj.”
“It was an accident,” Emily says, her voice somber. “It’s tragic, but it happens sometimes.”
When the officers go, Rhett turns to the group. “Want to apologize for the loss of your friend, it isn’t how we wanted this to go and it’s a fuck of an ending to have. If you’d like to stay here and finish your time, you’re welcome, but if you’d like to go we’ll refund you in full.”
I swallow.
I glance at Kara, who looks to Emily. Grace and Maria are both standing, their faces blank. They didn’t have much to do with Taj, I mean, neither did I really. He was a friend, but we weren’t close, still, he was a person, and his life wasn’t meant to end the way it did. Something is niggling at me, deep in my chest, telling me not to go. Telling me there is something missing here, and I’m desperate to find out what it is. If we leave, and there are answers to be had, my chance of getting them will go.
“I think we stay,” I say. “Taj wouldn’t want us to leave, he’d want us to keep going, to laugh for him and cry for him, to make the best out of this situation. If we leave, we’re leaving his memory here and taking sadness home, that isn’t what he would want. Let’s do it for Taj.”
“I agree,” Kara nods. “He would kill us if he thought we were going to go home and miss out. I can just see it now.”
Grace laughs softly, through sob. “He really would. He’d be like, you bunch of pussies, stop your crying and go and have fun.”
Rick nods, a small sad smile on his face. “God, he really would.”
“Then it’s agreed?” I ask. “We stay, we finish out our time, and then we go home and we make a memory for our friend that’ll last forever.”
Everyone nods.
I look to Rhett. “We’re staying.”
A huge part of that feels wrong, but I also know that if I don’t look into this further, to make sure everything is alright, then I’m not doing right by my friend either. I can’t say I would sleep well at night, knowing that this possibly wasn’t an accident and I didn’t do anything about it. Call me stubborn, but I know what feels right, and this is it.
“It doesn’t feel right, to be having fun without him,” Nathan murmurs, more to himself than anyone else.
Rick reaches over and squeezes his shoulder. “No, it doesn’t, but we owe it to him to make the most out of this, it’s what he would want.”
Nathan exhales, then looks to us. “I don’t think I can stay; Taj was my best friend.”
I respect that. He knew Taj well, probably better than any of us, it’s only fair for him to want to go home and he has that right. “I understand, and that goes for any one of you,” I say to the group. “If you don’t feel right staying, there is absolutely no pressure to. You can go at any point.”
Everyone nods again.
Grace hugs Nathan.
I do, too.
We’re all feeling this, but he is the most. I know he blames himself. Rick does, too. It was their idea to go to the barn for the night, but the thing is, if it was an accident, it could have happened at any point. If they were drinking that much, these things can happen and it is nobody’s fault. It’s hard not to blame the barn, and the dare, and everything else that surrounded the moments leading up to Taj’s death, but the fact is it was just unlucky.
It had to be.