Beautifully Hurt (Beautifully Broken)

He presses a kiss in my hair and asks, “Don’t you think it would be better if you saw Dr. Altman again?”

“No.” I snap, pushing away from him.

Scooting off the bed, I get up and walk away from him.

“I’m worried, Quinn,” he says as he comes after me. “You don’t talk about what happened. Tonight’s the first time in almost a month. You’re keeping it all bottled up inside you.”

I stop and spin around, just needing him to back off.

“You think it’s best for me? To keep dredging the nightmare up and repeating it over and over?” When Eli gets close to me, my arms dart up, and I shove him.

He grabs at my hands, and it’s only then I realize I just lashed out at Eli, and he’s only trying to help.

Oh, my God.

“Eli,” I whisper. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

It feels like I’m going to explode on the inside, and no one will know about the devastating chaos left inside of me.

“Baby,” Eli whispers. He sounds as broken as I feel as he leans down to catch my eyes. “I just want what’s best for you. If you don’t want to talk to Dr. Altman, then talk to me, or talk to my mom. I don’t care who you talk to, as long as you get it out. Tell me what you’re feeling right now. Just let it out. Don’t keep it in and let it eat away at you.”

“It’s hard,” I whisper.

Eli lets go of my hands as he steps closer to me. “I know, baby.”

I close the last of the distance between us and press my face into his chest, and then I admit, “When I’m with you, I can almost pretend none of it happened. I almost feel normal, and it makes me feel guilty. How can I move on while Katie’s dead? How can I be happy when she lost everything.”

Eli pulls back and frames my face. “It’s normal to heal, Quinn. It doesn’t mean you’re going to forget Katie.”

“It just feels wrong that I survived.”

He wraps me up in his arms again. “It’s normal to feel survivor's guilt.”

“I still see Katie in my dreams,” I admit.

Eli presses a kiss to my hair. “Do you talk to her?”

I nod.

“Good. Maybe that’s how you’re dealing with the trauma. You’re talking to the one person you shared all your secrets with.”

Eli’s words sink in, and it loosens something inside me that felt like it was going to snap at any moment.

“Thank you for being patient with me,” I whisper.

“Always.” He tugs at my hand, and we walk back to bed.

“I’m sorry I woke you,” I say as I climb back beneath the covers.

“Don’t worry about it. I want you to wake me whenever you need me.” Eli lies down beside me then pulls me into his arms.

Feeling too guilty, I haven’t been able to relish in moments like these.

I’m really going to have to do something. I’m going to have to talk to someone other than Katie.

Chapter 15

ELI

I don’t know if I’m just overly hopeful, but I think I got through to Quinn.

Standing outside the hardware store, my eyes go to where The Green Leaf used to be. The store has been standing empty since everything was cleared out.

So fucking sad.

Sometimes I catch myself glancing at the store, thinking I’m going to see Quinn and Katie laughing behind the counter.

Thinking of Quinn, I take my phone from my pocket, but then I remember she’s spending the day with my mom, and I tuck it away. Hopefully, the time with Mom will do her some good.

My phone begins to ring, and I pull the device out again. Seeing Mr. Drake’s name flashing on my screen, I answer, “Hey, how are things on the road?”

I’ve been giving Quinn’s dad updates about her so he wouldn’t worry. He told me to call him Josh, and I’m still trying to get used to it.

“I’m making good time and should be home next Tuesday. How’s Quinn holding up?” Josh asks.

“Better. She talked to me last night, and she’s spending the day with my mom,” I tell him. “I think she’s starting to open up about what happened.”

“That’s good to hear.” He clears his throat. “What are we going to do when I’m back home? I’ll only be in town for a week.”

A fist tightens around my heart. “You want her to come home?”

“I’m not sure if moving her up and down will be such a good thing. I don’t want to disturb her routine, especially if she’s starting to make some progress.”

I let out a relieved breath. “You’re welcome to stay at my place.”

He lets out a chuckle. “I might be okay with my daughter living under your roof, but I sure as hell don’t want to see her sleeping in your bed.”