Beautifully Hurt (Beautifully Broken)

Eli’s tongue thrusts into my mouth, twisting fast and hard with mine, making dizzying pleasure course through my veins.

He growls softly, and the vibrations tingle my lips.

I move my hands down his back until I can slip them beneath his shirt to push the fabric up.

“Wait, Quinn,” he says hoarsely. “I only have so much self-control.”

I quickly pull my hands away from his back, feeling a little confused.

“I just want to kiss you, baby,” Eli explains. “It would be the easiest thing to rip your clothes off and fuck you, but I don’t want it to be like that for our first time.”

My mind zooms in on the ‘rip your clothes off’ and ‘fuck you’ parts.

Not thinking, I blurt out, “I’d be totally okay with both.”

Eli chuckles, and he pulls me tightly to his chest. “There’s still a lot I want to do before I take your virginity. Okay?”

“Okay,” I whisper.

Eli lowers his head again, this time brushing his mouth along my temple and cheek. “Christ, baby, do you have any idea what you do to me?”

I shake my head, and then Eli pushes his pelvis against mine, and I feel every inch of his hardness beneath his sweatpants.

The air leaves my lungs in a whoosh right before Eli claims my mouth in a scorchingly hot kiss.

I don’t know for how long we lie in bed just making out, but every second of it is perfect.

The world doesn’t feel as dark.

My pain isn’t as raw.

And for the first time in weeks, I want to stay awake instead of drifting off to sleep where Katie’s waiting.

Chapter 17

QUINN

Katie smiles at me, her eyes shining like stars. “Tell me what I’ve missed.”

A soft smile curves my lips. “Eli kissed me again.”

Her face lights up. “Oh yeah? Was it as good as the first time?”

I let out a chuckle. “It was better.”

“Ooh-la-la… look who’s head over heels for Eli Jackson,” she teases me.

“Yeah,” I grin at her. “He also told me he loves me.”

“Quinn!” Katie grabs hold of my hands, and I soak in the warmth of her touch. “Really? He said the actual words?”

I nod. “Yeah.”

She hugs me to her, whispering, “I’m so happy for you.”

Wrapping my arms tightly around her, I close my eyes.

After a while, Katie murmurs, “I’ll have to go soon.”

I shake my head. “Just a little while longer.”

Katie takes hold of my shoulders, pushing me back, and tilting her head, she locks eyes with me. “No, Quinn. I mean, I have to leave for good.”

“No,” the word bursts over my lips as my heart cracks open. “Why can’t you stay here with me?”

She shakes her head, her eyes filling with tears. “You know I don’t belong here, Quinn. You have to let go of me and move on.”

“No.” Panic floods my veins, and I yank her back into a tight hug. “No, Katie. I can’t let you go.”

“You have to,” she whispers. “Besides, I’ll always be in your heart.”

“I’m not ready,” I whimper as a sob drifts up my throat. She begins to fade in my arms. “Wait!” I cry out. “Wait, I’m not ready, Katie.”

“You are…”

It’s been six months since the attack, and I haven’t dreamt of Katie in the past nine days.

Now I dread falling asleep, scared another night will pass where I won’t get to see her.

Walking out to the gazebo, I sit down on one of the benches and bring my legs up, wrapping my arms around them before resting my chin on my knees.

Come back, Katie.

Just one more time.

It was too soon. I wasn’t ready.

I hear footsteps, and then Eli comes to sit down across from me. He leans forward, resting his forearms on his thighs before staring at me. “Want to talk about it?”

The heavy weight in my heart doubles, and I have to swallow hard as tears start to burn my eyes. “I haven’t dreamed of Katie in nine days.”

“Maybe it’s because you’re healing?” he mentions.

“I wasn’t ready. I didn’t know that would be my last time with her.” I lose the battle against the tears, and one spirals over my cheek. I brush it away against my knee.

Eli takes a deep breath, and getting up, he comes to sit next to me. He wraps his arms around me, and when I feel his breath skim over my ear and hair, he says, “Katie died six months ago.”

His words hit hard, ripping a sob from me.

The dreams made it feel like I didn’t lose her, not entirely.

“I didn’t get to say goodbye,” I cry as my body begins to jerk.

“I know, baby.” Eli pulls me onto his lap, cradling me as he wipes the tears from my cheeks with his knuckles. “But maybe it’s time you accept Katie’s gone?”

Suddenly everything stills in me until it feels like there’s only a vast empty space in my chest. “How do I do that, Eli? How do I accept Katie was murdered, that she died such a horrible death, that her last moments were of a guy raping her?”