My dad made a sound under his throat that had me turning to him with a look of confusion.
“What is it?” I asked, looking at him now, and not the dirty fan.
He looked… stricken.
As if his worst nightmare had been realized.
“I…” He stopped.
Something was very wrong.
Very, very, very wrong.
He dropped down onto the couch, and that was when I saw the half-empty bottle of amber liquid in his hand that was dangling between his splayed thighs.
I reached into my pocket for my phone and sent out a text.
Me: Clem, I need you to tell your dad to get here ASAP. And call Taos too.
Taos, my dad and Haggard were all best friends once upon a time.
Haggard had fallen to the wayside a little bit, but lately, I think my dad started to pick that friendship back up, starting to feel more of a camaraderie with him now that he lost Jasper and witnessed what his precious justice system did.
Clem: he said he’s on his way. What’s wrong?
I didn’t answer, instead shoving my phone back into my pocket and moving to my dad by scooting on my butt toward him.
When I got to the couch, I stopped and said, “Dad?”
He looked up, and that was when I saw the bloodshot eyes.
“I can’t lose you, too,” he croaked.
He brought the bottle up to his lips and took another swig.
I felt my insides burn at his words. “You won’t lose me, Dad.”
My dad’s dark eyes, so much like my brother’s, looked up at me with a sad smile. “I will, though. One day, even if you don’t leave this earth, you’ll leave me. You’ll find another man that makes you happy, and you’ll leave me behind, and I’ll have nothing left.”
I laughed at him, which, in retrospect, probably wasn’t the best thing to do when he was like this.
My dad had problems.
Not big ones. Not small ones, either.
Problems that kept his head in a dark place, and sometimes, I couldn’t reach him.
But if I hadn’t been able to, Jasper had. And if Jasper hadn’t been able to, Taos or Haggard could.
He wasn’t suicidal or mentally ill. He was just… broken.
There were no other words to put to what kind of man my dad was.
“You’re not going to lose me anytime soon, Dad,” I promised. “The man I like doesn’t even like me back. In fact, he finds me invisible.”
At least, that was what it felt like sometimes.
My dad’s eyes sharpened slightly as he looked at me. “Who is this man?”
I shrugged. “I’m not telling you, because you’ll probably try to break him. And I don’t want you to do that.”
Dad sighed and took another swig of his whiskey straight from the bottle.
At least, I thought it was whiskey.
I was not much of a drinker.
In fact, beer was all I usually drank and beer and I did not get along.
Clem? Certainly. But when you had a friend like Clem, keeping her alive was a full-time job. And that meant that you couldn’t drink all willy-nilly when you were supposed to be watching her and her craziness.
“Hey, Dad,” I said, remembering something. “Did you hear that the guy that tried to attack me yesterday was killed? He died of an air embolism. I had to look that up. That’s when air is introduced to the blood system or something.”
There was a long pause as my father took another swig of whiskey before he said, “Haggard killed him.”
I paused, unsure what the hell that meant. “Um, what?”
Dad’s head swung lazily in my direction. “Haggard. He killed him. Knew he was gonna. I’m kind of glad. But you’ll never hear me admit that to anyone but you, okay? A cop can’t be glad someone is dead.”
A cop probably shouldn’t be drunk off their ass, either. But I wasn’t going to say anything to that.
I also didn’t believe my father when he said that Haggard had killed the man. Which, clearly, he could tell.
“I’m gone for three more weeks.” He grinned. “You can go stay at Haggard’s place. You’ll learn.”
My brows went up in surprise. “I will?”
“Haggard’s a bad person.” He thought about what he just said. “Well, he’s not a bad person. He’s a good person, who does really bad things.” He tilted his head. “He’s always been pretty gray. Me, not so much. But then his sister went missing, and he went from gray to dark gray to black. Right before my eyes. One second he was still staying underneath the radar,” he shook his head, causing his bottle to slosh liquor onto the leather couch. I left it there. “Now he acts like he’s daring us to catch him. He’s smooth. He’s quiet. He’s careful. He’s circumspect. But one day, he’s going to be caught, and he has nothing to lose.”
The way he was being so serious, I had a sneaking suspicion that he was being one-hundred-percent honest.