Which was kind of terrifying.
Was Haggard a bad person? Was I in love with a man that didn’t see right from wrong?
But then I remembered a few things.
The fierce intensity in his eyes when he’d caught me as I’d flung my body off of his front porch into his waiting arms.
He wouldn’t hurt anyone that didn’t deserve it.
And he definitely wouldn’t hurt me.
I felt a weight lift off my shoulders that I hadn’t realized had weighed them down.
“He does what he does because he’s fiercely protective of those he loves,” Dad continued, as if he hadn’t just opened my eyes to some crazy shit. “You should’ve seen him the one time that someone threatened Taos and Me. I swear to God, I thought he was going to murder the man right in front of our eyes. He only waited until later to rough him up. Show him the error of his ways.” He hesitated. “Is that him?”
I heard the hum of a motorcycle, and I got up to look out the window.
“Taos,” I answered. “Oh, never mind. It’s both of them pulling up from opposite directions.”
Walking to the front door, I opened it wide and stepped out on the front porch, glancing over my shoulder at my dad, who hadn’t bothered to move off the couch but to raise the bottle of whiskey to his lips.
They both caught my gaze with theirs as they made their way toward me.
But one man in particular held my attention.
“What’s going on?” Haggard asked the moment we were close enough.
I leaned against the doorjamb as I explained.
“Shit.” Taos sighed. “I’ve actually been waiting on this for a long time.”
He had?
Well, it would’ve been nice to know.
“You okay?” he asked as he climbed the stairs.
I nodded.
He chucked me under the chin and smiled at me, leaving me alone with Haggard.
I looked at him, feeling my stomach drop as I remembered my dad’s earlier words.
But when he climbed the steps and crowded me close, I felt my heartbeat accelerate. Not because I was scared, but because I was excited to have him close.
Just the thought that maybe he would touch me…
“You really okay?” he asked.
I understood what he meant.
Was I okay with all of it? Not just my dad.
I swallowed hard.
I was taking each day a step at a time.
I missed my partner in crime.
I missed waking up and talking to my brother on the phone first thing because I wanted to see if we would be having breakfast together that day or not.
I missed him so much that sometimes it hurt to breathe.
I also missed the way life was before he left.
The way my dad used to smile.
The way the town used to greet him any time he was around.
“I don’t…” I shrugged.
I didn’t know.
That was the sad truth.
It’d been a year since my brother passed away. Yet it felt like just yesterday.
I still picked up the phone to call.
I still got his favorite foods at the grocery store even though Dad and I didn’t like them.
I still paid for his cell phone service because the idea of turning it off was agony.
He caught me around the chin and tilted my head up so he could see into my eyes.
And whatever he saw there had him pulling me into his arms and hugging me tight.
It wasn’t the type of hug that I got from my dad.
I didn’t know what kind of hug this was but… I loved it.
I loved everything about being in Haggard’s arms.
I pressed my face into his neck and inhaled, relishing the way his scent entered my lungs.
God, he made me feel…
“Yo,” I heard Taos say. “You coming in or what? We’re about to drink the fuck out of some whiskey.”
I reluctantly pulled out of Haggard’s arms, but I do want to point out that he was just as reluctant to let me go.
It had to be hours later that I left my room for a glass of water.
I was quiet as I opened the door, not wanting to catch the attention of my dad or the other two men in the house.
Mostly because I was half naked and I didn’t feel like putting on pants.
One shouldn’t have to wear pants in their own house if they didn’t want to.
I was so quiet that I got to hear exactly what my father was talking about when I made it into the kitchen.
“Wasn’t able to protect them.” He was slurring. “Don’t deserve those kids. Those kids deserved the fuckin’ world, and what did I give them? And now she has a man she wants, and he doesn’t want her back. How am I supposed to hold on to her now?”
I felt my heart clench at that.
There was a story behind the conception of Jasper and me that I’d never gotten the full story of.