I’d tried, of course, to get information. But that was one subject that my father never, ever relented on.
He wouldn’t tell Jasper or me what had happened and how he’d ended up with two kids at the age of fourteen.
On the few occasions that we’d asked, my father had clammed up so tight that we knew better than to ever ask him again.
And God forbid someone ever mention our mother.
That was one taboo subject that we were never, ever able to touch on.
I didn’t know what had happened.
But what I did know was enough for me to realize that something really bad had happened, and we would never, ever speak about it.
I would have to take one curiosity to the grave.
“She fucking ruined everything. My life. Their life. Their futures. And just when I’m on my feet, and things are looking up, goddamn karma hits me in the teeth, and she takes him away from me.” He growled. “Jasper had it all. A great life to look forward to, and now it’s all gone. I have to think about his heart being in another man’s body. His eyes being in a little girl’s face that doesn’t know what those eyes have seen. His liver in an old man who fucked his up only to get a second chance at life. And I hate them all. I fucking hate them all.”
I felt something the size of a grapefruit lodge itself in my throat.
Tears burned my eyes as my head drooped.
I felt like that sometimes, too.
Sometimes, I wanted to take our decision back. Because if my brother couldn’t be here, why should they be here?
But then I remembered what Jasper wanted. How much he loved life and wanted to go on protecting it.
And I realized that was what he would’ve wanted. To go on living in some way, even though having been a burn victim, the organs may not take due to the smoke damage.
“I think it’s time for bed, bro,” Haggard rumbled.
The sound of his voice sent pleasant shivers tingling down my spine.
I looked up and found him watching me, knowing I was there in the shadows, and not raising the alarm.
I walked back into the kitchen and flipped a light on over the sink before getting myself a glass of sweet tea—I needed something stronger than just water at this point—and downed half the glass.
I felt them enter the kitchen, but I didn’t turn around from my contemplation of the window that showed nothing but darkness outside.
“Honey.”
I turned at the sound of Haggard’s voice, my throat constricted.
“You can have my bed,” I offered to Haggard.
Haggard looked as if he was about to argue, but I held up my hand. “The only couch we have is a love seat. You’re twice the length of it. Lying on the couch won’t work for you, and you know it. Take my bed. I’ll take the love seat.”
“I’d go home but…” he hesitated.
But my dad was drunk off his ass—worse than I’d ever seen him—and looking as if shit was about to hit the fan at any second.
He looked… wrong.
As if whatever it was he was thinking wasn’t keeping him in the frame of mind that would normally be declared as ‘sane.’
“I know.” I understood. “I appreciate you coming over so fast.”
“If you’re staying.” Taos looked at my dad, who was half passed out sitting up. “I’ll help you get him to his room and… go.”
There was one other room in the house, but it was Jasper’s room, and they knew better than to go in there.
Nobody had been in there since Jasper passed away.
“Thanks,” I whispered.
And that was exactly what they did.
After shutting the door and checking the alarm as well as all the windows, Haggard met me in the living room where I was placing a blanket and a pillow on the couch for myself.
He gave me one look, then pulled me into his arms.
Like last time, this time felt different.
It felt like I was being hugged by a man that wanted me. And I knew the difference. I’d done the same thing with Taos not two minutes before, and it definitely hadn’t felt like this.
“It’ll be okay,” he promised.
I had a feeling it wouldn’t be. But we were both going to pretend anyway.
He left me for my room after that, and I had lain down on the couch for the longest of whiles before I got up to go to the bathroom.
The only problem was my bathroom was only able to be accessed by Jasper’s room or my room.
Meaning, I had to go through Jasper’s room to get to it—dang the hall bathroom for being under construction for a year.
I held my breath, as if my brother’s ghost would catch me, as I all but ran for the bathroom.
Once I was inside, I made sure that both doors were closed before I turned on the light.