Julian came in with a large glass of water and ice, the sides of the glass slick with condensation.
“I remembered you liked lots of ice.”
“Thank you.”
He paused, uncomfortable. He ran a hand through his hair, then rubbed the back of his neck, clearly unsure what to do next.
“So, I’m going to order dinner. Give you some time. I’ll be in the living room.”
I nodded, keeping my gaze focused on Julianna. Her eyes were closed, her little fist bunching and unbunching as she fed.
“Is she okay?” he asked, his voice concerned.
“She does that. Always has. I think she enjoys eating, and that’s how she shows it.”
“Okay. Good. So, I’ll be out there…” He trailed off.
It occurred to me he was nervous. Unsure of his place here. Although his worry was touching, this was my time to bond with Julianna.
“Fine,” I murmured, not looking up.
He paused at the doorway, and I felt his stare.
I didn’t return it.
JULIAN
Jesus, she was so beautiful, sitting and nursing our child.
Our child.
The words echoed in my head over and again as I walked down the hall. I went to the kitchen and poured a shot of scotch, downing it in one mouthful. I shook my head at the fire in my throat and the way the alcohol warmed my chest.
I reached for the phone, called Carlos, and ordered pizza, then added salad, dessert, and a chicken fettuccine since I wasn’t sure if pizza was something nursing mothers ate. I hung up and wandered to the window, looking out over the bustling city.
I had no clue about mothers, nursing or not. Babies either.
It had never occurred to me that Tally could have been pregnant when she left me. She had been on birth control, but obviously, it failed. Given how often we’d made love, it wasn’t surprising she got knocked up. I paused with the glass partway to my lips. Was that why she’d run? Worried over my reaction? We had never discussed kids in a serious fashion.
Then I shook my head. There was more. Instinctually, I knew it, but I didn’t know why. Not the whole picture.
I heard the soft cries of my daughter from down the hall, and I had to stop myself from running to find out why. The intense feeling of protectiveness I felt for her was shocking. It was even stronger than the ones I had felt for Tally. But these were twisted up with fear and love. A need to nurture and care for the tiny being who had suddenly appeared in my life.
I had no idea what to do with all the feelings.
The noise stopped, and I sighed. Tally knew what to do for her. Earlier, I had watched her for a short time on the hidden camera in the room she had sat in at the airport. Saw how she rocked and held Julianna, changed her, and moved her around with an ease I envied. I had no clue how to hold a baby. I had never done so before.
She was obviously a good mother. Loving and caring. Devoted.
I thought about the intense fear that crossed her face when I threatened to use my power to take Julianna away from her. I shouldn’t have done so, but I was angry. Furious with her that she’d kept her a secret from me, horrified at the thought that if Conrad hadn’t seen her, I could have missed years, if not her entire life.
And God help me, I wanted those years.
The sound of running water and Tally’s voice cooing drew me back down the hall. In the adjoining bathroom, Tally was hunched over the sink, Julianna kicking in happiness as she lay in the water.
“Who loves her bath?” Tally asked, ticking Julianna’s tummy. “Who loves to splash Mommy?” I was fascinated watching them. I had always been transfixed by Tally, and with Julianna in the mix? I feared I was straight-up obsessed.
Tally looked up, meeting my eyes.
“She was a bit milky and still fussy. I thought a bath would help. She usually drifts off after one.”
“You can order her a proper tub tonight. Plus whatever else you need.”
She didn’t argue, concentrating on Julianna.
“Your friend brought some nice products. The lavender bath will help soothe her.” She laughed, holding up a facecloth. “I do need some smaller cloths. Yours are like a towel for her.”
“Sure. You can get whatever you want or need. I ordered dinner too.”
She lifted Julianna from the sink, laying her on a towel she had on the counter and quickly tapping her dry and swaddling her.
“Did you want to hold her while I get her diaper and onesie?”
I nodded eagerly, letting Tally settle her into my arms. I grinned as one small hand fought its way out of the towel, flailing around. I slipped my finger into the fist, chuckling.
“Is Daddy’s girl so strong?” I murmured. “Such a hard grip.”