I met Tally’s eyes, shocked to see the tears in them. I stepped forward. “What, Tally? What is it?”
She shook her head, seemingly unable to speak. Without thinking, I pulled her close, pushing her head to my chest, the way I had always done when she was upset. She accepted my embrace, her arms going around my waist. I caught our reflection in the mirror, her and me together, me holding our daughter.
A family.
My world, my brain whispered.
I held my daughter, insisting Tally eat her meal. She took a little chicken fettuccine and salad, but she mostly pushed it around her plate. She refused the wine I offered, saying it upset Julianna’s tummy.
I made a mental note to procure a book on babies and nursing mothers. I needed more information.
“You need to eat more than that, Tally,” I scolded. “I don’t know much, but I do know you need to fuel your body. She must deplete you constantly.”
She didn’t reply.
“If you don’t like it, I’ll order something else.”
“It’s fine. I’m not hungry.”
“Don’t punish me by punishing her,” I snapped.
Tears filled her eyes. “I would never do anything to hurt my daughter.”
“Our daughter. Stop omitting me,” I demanded.
As if sensing the tension in the air, Julianna began to cry. Her face became red, the sound of her distress triggering a reaction in me I had never experienced.
Helplessness.
Tally jumped up and took her from my arms, holding her close. “It’s okay, Jules. Mommy has you. It was just a noise.” She glared at me. “She isn’t used to yelling. If you insist on this, can you try not to be such a jerk around my—” she shut her eyes “—our daughter?”
I stood, running my finger down Julianna’s cheek. “I’m sorry, little one.”
“I’m taking her to bed. It’s been a long day.”
“Your dinner…” I protested. “I wanted to talk. We need to settle this.”
“We are not going to settle anything in one night, Julian. And we’re certainly not going to settle it tonight while I’m stressed and she’s upset.”
With that, she turned and walked away, the muffled sound of Julianna’s cries echoing in my head for hours.
Shame and guilt burned through me. I shouldn’t be yelling—especially around Julianna. And I knew today had been as great a shock to her as it had to me. We both had to adjust.
I sighed as I put away the basically untouched dinner.
Tomorrow would be a better day.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Julian
I was up and dressed early, unsure what to do. I had to go into the office, at least for a little while. Maybe if I was out of the apartment, Tally would relax a little. Eat.
I found her in the living room, a cup of coffee beside her and Julianna on her lap. She was talking and playing with her quietly, doing something called “Patty-cake.” The sound of Julianna’s sweet baby giggles made me smile. I moved forward, wanting to be part of the joy.
Except Tally saw me and stopped.
“No,” I protested. “Keep playing.”
“I’m sorry if we disturbed you.”
“No, it’s fine. You didn’t,” I replied, my voice sharper than I intended. “I’m heading to work soon.”
Tally didn’t look surprised. “Of course you are,” she said dryly. “Will you be gone all day?”
Something in her voice angered me. I leaned close, keeping my voice low.
“Not all day, and even if I were, there is a guard outside. Plus one downstairs. If you think you can disappear again, think again, Tally. I know your alias now. There is nowhere you can go I can’t find you.”
She gasped quietly. “That’s not what I meant.”
I shook my head, not believing her. “The repercussions would be swift and great this time.”
She stood, holding the baby against her like a talisman. “I have no doubt,” she replied. “I feel your anger and mistrust, Julian. I get it.” She began to walk away. “Have a nice day,” she added sarcastically. “I know how important your work is to you.”
The soft thud of her bedroom door sounded like an explosion in the apartment.
I sat at my desk, unable to concentrate. I was bogged down in anger, guilt, worry, and indecision. For the first time in a very long while, I didn’t want to be here. I wanted to be where Tally was, where Julianna was. I wondered what they were doing. Napping? Playing?
What was Julianna’s schedule? Would she settle? Would Tally see the laptop and the note I left telling her to order whatever she wanted and I would fill in the credit card information when I got home later?
Would she realize I didn’t simply leave the credit card because I was afraid she would use it to book a flight somewhere and try to leave?
I let my head fall back. It was true. I was worried about her leaving. Trying to run. Somehow slipping past the guards and getting away. She was resourceful enough. She’d hidden from me for over a year. None of my searches showed even a hint of her. I rubbed my tired eyes and stared at the ceiling. I had barely slept, too alert to what was happening across the hall all night. I heard Tally get up when Julianna fussed. I heard her getting water, and I knew she was feeding her. I listened as she walked, softly humming, and talking our daughter back to sleep. The urge to go and offer to help had been strong, but I knew she didn’t want either my help or my company.