Nothing prepared me for seeing Julian lying in a hospital bed, silent and wounded. The tubes, the blood, the unexpected stillness of him. I shut my eyes, shaking my head, trying to clear the vision.
“Damien laid it all on the table. He told me about Hidden Justice. The work you did. How dedicated you were to the cause. How many people you helped to save. Especially women and children. He explained about Elite Security.” I swallowed, remembering the horror his next words caused me. “He told me the truth about Dean. What happened that night. And that he had shot Dean dead.”
“I’m still pissed at him about that—telling you everything.”
“You shouldn’t be. He wanted me to know the person you were. How courageous and giving you were. How you risked yourself to make me safe. To make others safe. How dedicated you were to the cause. He wanted me to know the real you in case you died.”
Julian frowned, then swallowed.
“The part about Dean—did that upset you? Knowing he was now dead? The kind of person he really was?”
“Knowing how misplaced my trust had been shook me. That he used me, stole my life from me without any remorse, was hurtful. That he tried to kill you horrified me. All of that was a lot to absorb. But what upset me the most was the fact that you had lied all that time. Kept such a huge part of your life a secret. Instead of letting me in so I could maybe help, even if it was emotionally when you did one of these raids, you kept me in the dark.” I met his steady gaze. “That’s what brought you to the bar that first night—why you drank so much.”
“Yes.”
“And how you protected me against that biker. Your training.”
He nodded, not speaking, simply regarding me the way he did. Intensely, giving nothing away.
“How did you become one of them? Part of Hidden Justice, I mean?” Damien hadn’t told me that part.
“I was a rookie in the police. I got shot during a takedown. A street-cop-career-ending injury. Both my knees and my shoulder. I got reassigned to a desk job. I hated it, but I was good at it. I started helping to organize things behind the scenes. It was noticed, and I was contacted by someone at Hidden Justice. Long story short, I met with the man who would become my boss, listened to their objectives, and signed up. I worked my way up fast and got the role of Commander pretty young.”
“Can you tell me more about them?”
I shrugged. “They are one of the most hidden agencies there is. Layers and layers of secrets. How they’re funded, I have no idea, but their resources are limitless, it seems. I have no clue how they started, who runs the whole show, or how long they’ve been around. My boss has a boss, who has a boss. How far up that goes, I have no idea. Their mission and goal remain the same and became my objective. Save innocent lives. How they go about it is violent but, frankly, necessary. That’s why governments turn a blind eye. The team became my life.”
“And you were dedicated.”
“It was easy to be so. Plus, I had no one in my life aside from myself to worry about. Until you.”
“And you hid it from me.”
“I thought I was protecting you,” he admitted. Then he met my gaze. “And you left me because of the omission on my part. You didn’t give me a chance to explain—you simply walked away,” he stated.
“That was a huge part of it, yes. I was overwhelmed and couldn’t think straight. Then I discovered I was pregnant. It-it changed everything.”
For the first time, his voice became laced with anger. “How? Did you not think I would rejoice in that news? You never gave me the chance.”
I walked over to the carrier, looking down at Julianna, who slept peacefully, unknowing of the chaos around her.
“I was shocked at first and trying to grapple with everything I’d found out. My brother hated me. He couldn’t care less if I was dead or alive. You had another whole life I knew nothing about. A scary, dangerous life. You were barely hanging on for a couple of days, and I was already mourning you. When you started to recover, I was so relieved, but I thought about having to go through that again. Of having to explain to our child you were dead if one of your missions went wrong.” A tremor ran through me. “My dad died when I was a baby. I didn’t know him, so I never missed him. My mom passed when I was a teenager, and I still mourn her to this day. Miss her terribly. I thought if Julianna never knew you, she would never have to know that pain—I could spare her that. I thought that if I walked away now, I would get over you. We would live our lives without you.”