"You could dare a great deal more. You are still letting yourself be smothered, trying to conform to society's rigid rules, your father's expectations."
He was right again, Aurora thought, gazing out at the silvery lake. She did feel smothered. She had felt so her whole life long. Perhaps that was why the journal had struck such a deep chord inside her. That beautiful yet terrible tale of passion fascinated her more than she would have believed possible – a sheltered woman finding freedom in the very chains of slavery that bound her…
Aurora pressed her lips together in denial. She certainly had no desire for such drastic liberation. But perhaps she should take more risks, as Nicholas was suggesting. Perhaps she should dare to be bolder…
"You have a hunger for living, Aurora, beneath all those proper inhibitions." His tone was low and vibrant. "You want to feel alive. Yet you don't know how."
She felt his gaze probing her, as if he were seeing inside her and uncovering all her secrets. Somehow Nicholas understood the yearning she had always hidden in the deepest part of her, the part that was wild and restless and questing. The longing for some nameless fulfillment. Something elusive she could only imagine.
"And I suppose you are offering to teach me?" she said finally.
"I want to, very much." His rough-velvet voice resonated through her. "I could show you a world you've never seen before, one brilliant and vibrant with color. You aren't happy now in your dull gray world, alone in your cold, lonely bed."
At his implication that he warm her bed, her breath caught. "You are not responsible for my happiness, Nicholas," she managed to murmur.
"Perhaps not, but you need liberating. And I intend to be the one to do it."
"How? By wearing down my resistance?"
"By becoming your lover."
In the night's silence she could hear the hammering of her heart. "I have no intention of being intimate with you again. What if I should conceive? I could never live down the scandal."
"You read the journal. There are myriad ways to experience carnal relations that don't result in conception. We have a vast array of methods of arousal yet to explore. Of touching and caressing and enjoying each other."
It was true; the journal described in exquisite detail many different forms of sensual pleasure. Aurora looked down at Nicholas. He was watching her intently, a primal gaze of sensuality incarnate.
His voice dropped to a husky murmur. "Doesn't your heart race a little faster at the thought of making love to me? Can you deny my touch excites you?"
No, she couldn't deny
it at all. This man was her husband. He had been her first lover. Her only lover. She wanted him.
She was suddenly filled with intense awareness. Of the night. Of the tingling in her veins. Of Nicholas. Of the rich, disturbing promise of his mouth.
The air between them seemed to throb with pulses of anticipation and warning as she stared at him. There was something wild and savage singing through her blood, a whispering voice urging her to yield to abandon, to give in to the lush sensation he promised.
Yet another conflicting voice exhorted her to keep her defenses strong. Nicholas lusted after her because he wanted what he could not have.
But… what if she gave him what he wanted? If she yielded to him, he would soon tire of the chase, for the thrill would be gone. Surely he would end his maddening pursuit then.
There might even be a way to hasten his decision: she could take the offensive herself. She was weary of being his quarry, of defending herself, of endlessly having to keep up her guard.
He reminded her of her father in that respect. Whether intentionally or not, Nicholas was trying to intimidate her, to make her accede his demands, to control her. Yet after standing up to her father for so many years, she should be able to stand up to Nicholas.
It would be gratifying to turn the tables on him and make him the hunted for a change. If she pursued him, he might very well turn tail and run – all the way back to America. And if she could manage to ease his powerful carnal needs, he would no longer be driven by his fierce lust…
"Perhaps you are right," Aurora said slowly, hoping she wasn't making an irrevocable mistake. "Perhaps we should become lovers."
When he had no response, she realized she had surprised him into silence. He had clearly not expected her acquiescence.
He would not expect her to take the first step, either.
Aurora drew a measured breath, wondering if she had the courage to follow through with her wild plan. But what choice had he left her? She couldn't allow things to continue this way, with Nicholas driving her slowly mad. He wouldn't stop until she yielded, so the sooner she did so, the sooner their bizarre relationship would end.
She had scarce experience in carnal matters, but the journal had given her remarkable insights, teaching her the secrets of a man's body, how to excite his desire – an invaluable lesson, Aurora knew. A woman could wield great power if she controlled a man's desire.
Her wedding night, too, had helped her shed her virginal ignorance as well as her inhibitions. Nicholas himself had taught her about hunger and arousal…