I start undressing him with my eyes. During our time together I’ve memorized every inch of his body. The way his muscles are defined and dip in at his hip bones. A tiny barely visible birthmark that he has on the back of his right shoulder. Even his belly button that protrudes outwardly just the slightest bit.
“Look,” he snaps, keeping his deep, beautiful voice that I’ve come to love low.
I quit fantasizing about him and stare at him intensely.
“Henry, what are you doing?” Callie shouts from across the hall.
He looks over his shoulder. “Riley has Honor’s English before me. I’m just asking her a question about our homework!”
“Hurry up!” Callie cries impatiently. “The bell is going to ring!”
The students in the hall rush to their first period classes and Henry cranes his head down. “I thought I told you never to text me or call me during the day.”
I’m baffled. I don’t know what to say. Part of me is trying to sift through my memories to figure out when this conversation took place and if I remember it at all. The other part of me is mad at him for being mad at me for something he shouldn’t be mad about in the first place, if he cares about me or loves me at all. He’s always saying how I’m the only one that matters. How he misses me and has to see me. So the only word I can get out as my thoughts continue to take over is, “Huh?”
“You know I’ve told you that.”
My heart is beating a million miles a minute. The blood writhing in my veins is boiling. “I don’t think I remember that conversation.” I hope he hears the anger in my voice.
Rosa appears and pokes her head around Henry’s right side. “Hey Ry, you coming?”
I hold my finger up and she disappears behind Henry.
Henry waits, and then speaks. “Well, I do remember that conversation. So maybe next time you should listen when I’m talking to you.”
My fists are shaking as I clutch my folder tightly, but before I can open my mouth to respond, he’s darting across the hall, throwing his arm over Callie’s shoulder and kissing her on the forehead. I watch them together twisted in a fit of rage and agony and then I slam my locker door as hard as I can.
“Whoa,” Rosa jumps to the side. “Easy.”
“What?” I bark at her.
“What’s your problem? And what the hell was that about?”
I storm down the hall and Rosa struggles to keep up. “Nothing. He was just asking me a question about English.”
I can see Henry and Callie’s backs a few feet in front of us. Rosa stares at Henry’s back and raises an eyebrow. “Really? He seemed kinda pissed.”
Tears swell in my eyes and I look away from her, briefly. I suck back the on-coming waterworks and exhale. “You know Henry.”
She shakes her head. “It’s too bad someone that damn beautiful has to be such a tool.”
What I really want to tell her is that he’s not a tool. He’s deep, thoughtful, smart, and funny. I want to tell her that he and I spent the entire summer together, staying up until the early hours of the morning talking about our families, school, and our plans after graduation, even our likes and dislikes. More than anything, I want to tell her how he makes me feel. I want to tell her that I love him and that he fills me up with joy, pleasure, and hope. He makes me feel whole. Complete.
But I don’t tell her any of that.
I’m a steel trap, for him. He wants me to stay quiet, to keep our relationship a secret, and I’m getting sick of it.
Chapter 10
“Love would never be a promise of a rose garden unless it is showered with light of faith, water of sincerity and air of passion.” ~ Author Unknown ~
During lunch I drown out the loud chatter and get lost in a trance, staring at the tater tots on my burnt orange tray.
Rosa waves her hand in front of my face. “Earth to Riley.”
I don’t break concentration. My eyes zoom in on one specific tater tot, and I study the divots in it that connect it together. I’m thinking hard about Henry and our complex relationship. I’m thinking about how much I love him and about how much longer I can let our relationship go on this way.
Rosa shakes my tray and few tater tots roll onto the floor. “Riley!”