Within minutes of me getting to my stand, it starts to thunder and Morgan blows her whistle. “Pool’s closed!” she yells and every single kid gives a groan in protest. We all hurry underneath the canopy area, gathering our stuff when it starts to downpour. This is a wicked one. The parking lot is already looking like a mini pond.
“Alright, I’m making a run for it.” Sash says as he pulls down his aviators, I guess to shield his eyes from the rain.
“Me too,” perks Hallie and everyone else agrees, except me.
“I’m gonna wait it out. Is that okay?” I say in the direction of Sash.
“Of course, but you know how it is down here. When it rains, it pours.”
“Don’t I know it,” I say, meaning that in every way possible.
“I’m gonna wait it out, too.” Rowen says as he strides up beside me. Sash’s head jerks back and forth between the two of us and I roll my eyes a little in the direction of Rowen. I guarantee he’s only waiting because I am. He wants to stand here and be in this miserable atmosphere, laced with awkwardness, that the two of us set off every time we’re near each other.
“Okay, whatever. See you guys tomorrow.” Sash says as he darts out into the rain. I watch the rest of my co-workers follow suit, laughing and squealing as the rain pounds on their backs.
For minutes, Rowen and I just stand under the blue canopy, feet apart, not saying a word. Just listening to the rain pound vigorously against the cover. The air is filled with the smell of a good ol’ southern rain and chlorine from the pool. I try my hardest to concentrate on the drops and how they fall so carelessly from the sky, but the tension, even in this large area, is suffocating. This is how it’s been with us the entire summer, and I’m thankful I have only one more week here. I don’t have to endure this anymore once I’m back at Duke.
“I think I’m going to try to run to my car,” I say, looking out at the darkened sky. The clouds above us are about to unleash an even harder downpour, which will more than likely accompanied by lightning and booming thunder. The temperature has dropped dramatically in the few minutes we’ve been standing here and I can’t help but associate it with the two of us, out in the open. I feel like I’m about to unleash my own storm onto Rowen; there’s just something in the air. It’s making me antsy and the more I hold it in, the more I feel like I’m going to explode.
“Yeah, okay. Me, too.”
“Ugh!” I yell, and I grab my hair and pull it to the side when I look at him. “You’re only waiting because I am!” I stare him down, hoping to make him uncomfortable but his deep brown eyes, just stare back at me. Unmoving, unnerving.
“Yeah, so?” He questions, as a matter-of-fact.
“You’re just tormenting me,” I utter as I step out into the open area. I instantly feel the coldness on my bare shoulders and a chill sets over my entire body. Just as I’m taking off to my car, I hear the thunderous noise from above. I was right; this storm is unleashing.
“Sadie!!” I hear Rowen’s demanding voice right behind me, and I flip around when he grabs my arm. My wet hair smacks against my face.
I look down at his hand and everything around me stills. I feel like the rain drops have frozen in their spots, all around us. It’s just he and I, skin touching skin. I swallow loudly before I unleash, “Just tell me why.”
He looks perplexed as he takes his hand off me. My arms rapidly break out into goosebumps and I tremble at the crashing thunder above us. I watch him blink the water out of his eyes several times before I speak again. “Why didn’t you make sure I was okay? Why didn’t you come? You never came!” I yell, through the sob edging its way from my chest. “You never came!”
I watch the rain splatter all around us. Soaking us from head to toe. He stares into my eyes and I blink mine several times as I study his face. His arms go slack and his grey work shirt is completely soaked, giving the illusion that it’s black. “I did… ” he croaks, and I can see his lips trembling. “But I couldn’t face you. I couldn’t face the fact that I didn’t save you.” My shoulders slump and I think I feel my heart shatter beneath my rib-cage. Every single piece of my mangled heart has shattered and fallen to the blacktop. I can almost feel it being washed away with the rain. When I meet his eyes, I can see the tears flowing down right beside the rain drops.
“You came?” I ask.
He backs away slowly, inching closer to his truck. “Yes. No one knew. Your mom was asleep, your dad wasn’t there. I came and I stared at you from the bottom of your hospital bed and all I could feel was guilt and shame.” He swallows and takes a huge gulp of air through the raindrops. “It nearly killed me seeing you lying there, all bandaged up. You deserved more than me, Sadie.” And then he gets into his truck and slams the door shut. I turn around abruptly and get in my car and do the same. We both sit there, in the country club parking lot, in our separate vehicl
es, soaked from head to toe, cursing the world for being so damn cruel to us.
Eleven
I didn’t see Rowen at all since our little episode during the treacherous storm. I had two more shifts and he didn’t work either of them. I kept thinking that maybe he went back to school early, maybe he didn’t come in on purpose, not able to face me. I feel sick to my stomach that we’re leaving things unsettled between the two of us, again. Just like last summer. And strangely enough, it stormed that night, too. I think I’ll forever hate storms, now.
My parents are totally bumming on me going back to school, but I promised them I’d come back for Thanksgiving this year. This time around, I’m going to do things differently. I’ve faced Rowen, even if we seem to be leaving things completely screwed up again, and I’ve faced Samantha. Both of which were hard tasks, but hey, at least they’re done and out of the way.
The thing is, with Rowen, at least, I feel just as bad as I did last summer about what’s happening between the two of us. “I couldn’t face you after I didn’t save you… ” What does that even mean? Is he upset that I tried to save him that night? Is he upset that he didn’t… what? Somehow blind the guy and attack him without a weapon? The whole situation is messy and confusing and I just wish it could be erased. I used to lay in bed and wonder how things would be if that night didn’t happen. Would Rowen and I still be together? Would he still have left me in the end? Was the heartbreak inevitable? I feel like every heartbreak is inevitable. It’ll happen eventually, right?
Lost in my thoughts, I hear the doorbell ring. I glance at the clock and it’s only two in the afternoon. Dad’s at the school for a beginning-of-the-year teacher meeting and my mom is at the grocery story getting things for my “back-to-school-dinner.” She will take every opportunity the world gives her to throw a little party or plan a fancy dinner. Cinco de Mayo? Yep. President’s day? Sure, let’s have a presidential dinner on very expensive presidential white house china plates. I wish I was kidding. She should have been a party planner.
“Coming!” I yell, as I’m half-running down our long flight of stairs. I assume it’ll be someone soliciting, or whatever. No one ever really comes over to our house unannounced, but I hate it when people randomly do.
As I swing open our red front door, out of breath, I quickly send up a silent prayer to God that my dad isn’t home. Because if he were, he’d literally kill the person standing in front of me.
“What are you doing here?! Do you have a death wish?” I cry. Rowen’s facial expression is simply… solemn. His posture rigid and tense. Maybe he was expecting my dad.
“I made sure your parents weren’t here before I came over. Can I come in for a second?” he asks as I cross my arms. Can he come in? The last time he was in my house, we were in an entirely different situation.