Dear Love, I Hate You (Easton High)

I never thought I’d be this happy to be ignored. I felt like pre-confession Aveena for a second there. Normal. Invisible. Like I was in control of my life again. So much that I let Dia convince me to attend Theo’s neon party on Saturday.

She was certain no one would dare annoy me after my public showdown with Axel in the cafeteria. And I thought, What better way to show them that I’m not afraid?

But now that Dia and I are ambling into Theo’s kitchen with glow-stick bracelets on our wrists, I’m wondering if showing up at the jocks’ party isn’t just asking for trouble.

The Coxes’ house is illuminated by black lights, engulfed into the smell of weed and strong liquor. Every guest carries some sort of glow stick, whether it be a necklace or a bracelet like us. A handful of seniors greet Dia when we come in, heads turning left and right as we venture deeper into the house.

Big surprise, they’re looking at me.

Whatever.

As long as they leave me alone, I can handle a little staring. Finn meets us in the dining room less than five minutes later, a large tequila bottle in each hand. Dia’s barely said a word before he’s kissing her senseless. I divert my attention to, well… anything other than Dia exchanging saliva with Finn Richards.

That’s when I see him.

Xavier.

He has his back propped against the wall, his eyes glued to his phone. He’s jaw-droppingly hot, as usual, his white T-shirt fitting his muscled body to a T. My heart aches a pinch, and I let it happen without a drop of resistance.

I let myself hurt.

I let myself break.

Comforted by the prospect of the distant day where I’ll look him in the eyes and feel nothing.

I spot Brie stalking toward him in a body-tight gray dress and cringe at her flawlessness. Stopping by his side, she runs her neon nails down Xavier’s arm to get his attention. He doesn’t give her the time of day, scrolling on his phone with a bored look stamped across his face.

Boyfriend of the year.

Vexed, Brielle glares around the kitchen, and, because the universe is not done torturing me yet, we make eye contact across the room.

She catches me staring at Xav and smirks, wasting no time in clutching his face and kissing him forcefully. Xavier doesn’t return her enthusiasm, shocked by the suddenness of it all. Call me weak, pathetic, fragile, but I can’t stand to look at them a second longer, so I turn my back on the happy couple. The first person I see on the opposite side is…

Wait… Axel?

What the hell happened to his face?

The tall basketball player is sporting not one but two black eyes, a busted lip, and a cut above his cheekbone. Why does he look like someone played High Striker on his face?

“Jesus, what happened to Axel?” I turn to Finn, who’s busy admiring my best friend like she’s the only girl in existence.

“He and Xav got into it last night at practice,” Finn replies, never peeling his eyes away from Dia.

“Good Lord,” Dia gasps when she drinks in Axel’s gruesome appearance. “What did Axel do?”

“Hell if I know.” Finn shrugs. “Xav just threw himself at him out of fucking nowhere. I think Axel said something to his girl.”

Dia’s eyebrows shoot up to her hairline, a wicked grin twitching at the corner of her lips as she sets her eyes on me.

“Which girl?” Her voice is dripping with innuendos.

I know exactly what she’s hinting at, but I refuse to consider the possibility for a single moment. So, Xav happened to pummel Axel on the exact same day he harassed me at lunch.

Doesn’t mean anything.

And it definitely doesn’t mean that he did it for me.

Well, to be fair, he did place a confession that said “I hate you” smack on top of a poem named “I had no time to hate,” my subconscious pesters. What if that was code for something?