Secret Desires (Roughshod Rollers MC 4)

Georgia and I have been friends for a very long time. In the last ten years, though, I’ve grown incredibly dependent on her. It would never be fair for me to claim that I raised Lily entirely on my own, because Georgia was always right there to help when I needed it.

Her kind, calming presence was just what I needed ten years ago, when Polly Truman abruptly disappeared from my life, leaving me with our daughter to rais

e. It’s thanks to Georgia that I was able to get back on my feet. I never did find out why Polly left, but I’m at the stage of my life where I simply can’t bring myself to care anymore. Polly is gone and I have Georgia and Lily in my life, which turned out to be a fair trade, I feel.

Still, I sometimes sense I’m taking advantage of Georgia. She hasn’t dated much at all in the last ten years, and any relationships she has had often fell apart within the month. It’s hard to not feel like Lily and I are holding her back from finding happiness for herself, because she’s so intent on being a mom to Lily that she isn’t living her life.

Sometimes I want to talk to Georgia about these worries that I have. I want to ask her if she’s happy or if there’s anything that I can do to make things better for her. Once or twice I’ve considered actually asking her to leave, as though I’m setting her free from some shackle that I accidentally placed around her long ago.

I’ve never done it though. Part of me fears that saying anything will disturb the peace that we have between us and cause some problems. Deep down, I’m a little afraid that she will leave, and I don’t know if I could bear it. Georgia has been by my side for so long and it’s hard to imagine a time when she won’t be there anymore.

Then I think that I’m just a selfish bastard that wants to keep Georgia by my side because I’m scared of my life changing unexpectedly once more.

“I helped!” Lily says, grinning up at me. “Georgia let me put the spaghetti on the stove.”

“Great,” I laugh. “We’ll make a fine chef out of you yet, Lils. Do you guys want to eat now, or do you want to finish the movie first?”

“Can we finish the movie first?” Georgia asks immediately. She grins sheepishly at me. “We really wanted to see how it ended.”

“Alright,” I say, laughing. “How much longer does it have?”

“Fifteen minutes?” Lily guesses, glancing at Georgia for confirmation.

“Around that,” Georgia agrees.

“Then you guys finish and I’ll dish up dinner,” I say, nudging Lily back toward the couch. “Why don’t we eat in the living room and watch something else after?”

“Yeah!” Lily cheers. She races back into the living room. “I’ll choose another movie!”

“Let’s finish this one first!” Georgia protests.

I chuckle as I head into the kitchen, listening as the movie begins playing once more. Instantly, both Georgia and Lily have fallen quiet, enamored with the story playing out on the television. I turn my attention to the two pots bubbling cheerfully on the stove, one of spaghetti and one with the meat sauce. Three plates are already laid out neatly on the table; no doubt Georgia put them there in preparation for dinner.

It’s not the first time I’ve arrived home to find that Georgia has cooked dinner for us, and it likely won’t be the last. I make a mental note to return the favor at some point in the next week; I could cook her my beef stew with rice, which she’s always loved.

Remembering that the two most important girls in my life are waiting for me, I move into the kitchen with a small smile. Future dinner plans can wait. Right now, I just want to spend this time with them; seeing the two of them is my favorite part of the day, after all.

Chapter Four

Georgia

“You’re a godsend.”

It’s funny how those words, said so fervently and genuinely, could have such an effect on me. I pasted a smile on my face for Ethan and the madly waving Lily as I put my car in reverse, giving them one last wave of my own before backing my car out of the garage and leaving the tiny house behind.

Then my smile fell.

“You’re a godsend.”

It’s a compliment, of course. But, all day, I haven’t managed to shake that dreary, empty feeling that I woke up with early in the morning after my dream. Hearing those words from Ethan just reminded me, all over again, of how much Ethan actually relies on me, and how tightly connected I am to this small family of a preteen girl and a single father.

I sigh as I drive up the road. When Lily was born, any discontent I might have felt with my situation, especially after Ethan and I slept together, was immediately swept away. Lily was only a baby after all, and Ethan was poorly equipped to deal with it. He couldn’t change her diaper, he didn’t know what to feed her, he wasn’t even capable of putting her down to sleep since she would just cry every time he tried to walk away. Often, I found the poor man sound asleep on the floor beside Lily’s crib.

So, Ethan definitely needed me back then. I had a little experience in looking after children when my older sister had twins, and I passed on that knowledge to make things a little easier for both Ethan and Lily.

When Lily was a toddler, things weren’t as dire. Ethan had managed to settle into his role as a father a little more, though the new hazard of Lily walking and bumping into everything kept us running around after her almost constantly. But Ethan still needed me, because he was overwhelmed and trying to do too much at once. When Lily was five, I established a new rule; if Ethan hadn’t left the house at least once that week, I was kicking him out.

At some point over those years, he joined the Roughshod Rollers. The group was good for him; before, he had run around with some other motorcycle enthusiasts, but none of them had been very close. When he became friends with Kyle, Grant and the others though, things started turning around for him.