Secret Desires (Roughshod Rollers MC 4)

“Sometimes I think about trying to find another job,” I confess. “One that pays better. But I’m not qualified in anything. I picked up my trade after I dropped out of school, and I don’t know anything else.”

“School sucked anyway,” Kyle says sagely, startling a laugh out of me. “None of it made any fucking sense.”

Right… I tend to forget that Kyle’s life mirrors mine in some ways. Neither of us stayed in school due to our home situations, him due to his father’s death and me because of my deadbeat father, and we both picke

d up a trade when we were teenagers instead. Of course, Kyle got Old Man Granger as a substitute father, instead, who has looked after him all these years. On the other hand, I got Polly, who ran off because she couldn’t cope with having a kid with me, and all the stress and worries that came with single fatherhood.

Not that I resent Kyle in any way. I don’t. I was so happy when he and Allison finally got their act together, despite the sad pit in my stomach that couldn’t help but wonder when I’d find that same happiness. Kyle has had a hard life and deserves every piece of happiness he can get. It’s hard not to wonder what I did so wrong that I keep getting missed, though.

“It did,” I agree, my lips twitching into a smile. “God, I had this one teacher, Mrs. Forbes, she was the absolute worst, she was always dragging me to detention because I didn’t understand something or other…”

“Yeah, I wasn’t sorry to see the back of school,” Kyle laughs.

My humor abruptly dies.

“Neither was I,” I say quietly. “Right up until the moment that I had to provide for a kid all on my own.”

Kyle sighs.

“Yeah…that fucking sucks,” he says, and those simple, coarse words make me smile. “But you know you’ve got all of us around to help? You don’t have to do it on your own.” He laughs suddenly. “Georgia would have your hide if you tried to kick her out of your life.”

“That she would,” I snort.

“Speaking of…why aren’t you asking Georgia for help?” Kyle asks curiously.

“I didn’t want her to know,” I admit. “She’ll just be angry that I didn’t come to her first, but there’s no way I can rely on her for all that money. She already does way too much for us.” I shrug. “Besides, she’s not here; I think she’s still at work and Lily is at a sleepover. Since I was here on my own, I figured I’d take the chance to look over the paperwork.”

“So, you’re on your own?” Kyle asks.

“Yeah…it’s strangely lonely,” I laugh.

Kyle bursts out laughing.

“Maybe you should call Georgia and tell her to keep you company,” he teases.

At first, I’m not sure I’ve heard that right. Is Kyle teasing me about being together with Georgia? But he knows I only think of her as a friend. I frown, confused.

“Kyle…” I say.

“Oh, by the way, we’re painting next weekend,” Kyle continues cheerfully, and I blink. Maybe I just misread it? “Now that the walls are up, everyone is heading in to do the first few coats. Are you in?”

“Yeah, Georgia already said she’d sit for me,” I agree. “Did Alex get the paint?”

“It’s already over there,” Kyle assures me. “See you on Saturday, then?”

“Yeah, see you then.”

We hang up and I stare at the cell in my hand. That was…very odd, I decide. It also makes me feel strangely uneasy. When Trevor or one of my workmates tease me, it’s easy to pass it off and ignore them. But hearing Kyle tease me about Georgia is different. Have I missed something that my best friend sees?

I shake my head and stand up, stretching. I’m being ridiculous. I’m seeing something there that isn’t when Kyle was likely only trying to be funny.

I wander into the kitchen as my stomach rumbles, reminding me that it’s close to dinner. I don’t feel like only cooking for myself, so I grab some bread rolls, as well as some meat, cheese and tomatoes from the fridge, intending on making myself some sandwiches. As I turn back, however, with my food, I spy the letters that I threw on the table when I came in, deciding to look at them later.

I sigh. I really need to look at these now. I’m expecting the electricity bill any day now, so that letter could be in the pile.

“Bill,” I mutter, pushing letters aside. “Bill. Junk. Bill. So many fucking bills…”

Why do they all seem to come at once? Even the registration for my motorbike, which is now due, is in the pile. So much for putting a little money aside so I don’t have to borrow as much for the computer…