Secret Desires (Roughshod Rollers MC 4)

Isn’t Allison studying law?

Allison Miller is the girlfriend of Kyle Jacobs, one of my best friends, who joined the Roughshod Rollers with me a few years ago. Sometimes I still shake my head at the circumstances in which the two of them met, which involved a stalker and a lot of posturing from both of them. Eventually, however, they worked things out and they’ve been a strong, loving couple ever since, often babysitting Lily and Owen, the young son of Grant Johnson, my other best friend, and his girlfriend, Jessica Russell.

Kyle is a mechanic, but Allison is studying law at the University of Pennsylvania Law School. Maybe she could come over and help me with this?

I don’t have Allison’s number, but I do have Kyle’s. Hoping that my friend isn’t at work, I dial his number and wait tensely as it rings.

Thankfully, he picks up quickly.

“Hey, Ethan,” Kyle greets. “All good?”

“No,” I groan. “I need help. Specifically, Allison’s help.”

“Allison’s?” Kyle asks, bemused. “Legal troubles?”

“I almost wish that was the case,” I say gloomily. “I’m trying to apply for a loan and I don’t understand half this stuff.”

“Why do you need a loan?” Kyle asks, and I can almost hear his frown. “You’re having enough problems paying for everything as it is.”

“I know,” I sigh. “But…Lily’s birthday is coming up, and she wants a computer. I can barely ever give her anything. I want to give her this. And it will be a good investment, anyway; our old, crappy thing is always breaking down when I need it.”

“I see.” Kyle goes silent. “I have some savings, Ethan. I don’t mind if you want to borrow money off me and then pay it back slowly.”

“What?” I ask, taken aback by the offer.

“I don’t want to see you take out a loan,” Kyle says firmly. “They’re a bunch of fucking sharks and you’ll end up paying back way more than you need. Take the money from me instead, and treat it like a loan. It’s no different, right?”

“Kyle, no, you’re saving that money,” I protest. “You’re going to use it to buy a place with Allison, right?”

“Right now, I’m just saving,” Kyle says. “I haven’t even spoken to Allison about it.”

“She’d say yes in a heartbeat,” I respond. I shake my head. “I’m not taking that money from you, Kyle. Thanks for offering, but you’ve saved that for months. And, for fuck’s sake, ask Allison to move in with you already.”

“Aye, aye,” Kyle replies dryly. “How about this, then? Allison, Grant, Jessica, Georgia and I can all throw in a little bit? You can borrow five hundred or so from each of us, and pay it back when you can.”

That idea is tempting. It certainly seems like a better option than going through with a loan. I eye the paper doubtfully.

“Let me think on it,” I say finally.

“That’s not a ‘no’,” Kyle laughs. “Come on, man, you know this is the best way. You don’t have to pay back an arm and a leg, Lily gets her computer and everyone wins.”

“Except everyone who lent me money,” I can’t help but say.

“If we all put in a little, none of us will be too far out of pocket,” Kyle says. “Just think about it for now.”

“Yeah, yeah…”

I rub my hand through my hair. I’m frustrated that I even have to consider taking money from my friends. Logically, I know it’s the best option. If I ended up beholden to a loan for so long, this computer might be the last thing I’ll be able to give Lily before she becomes a damn adult.

But it hurts a little. What sort of father am I that I have to go through all this just to buy a fucking computer, something my daughter needs more and more as she gets older.

“Don’t think so hard,” Kyle suddenly says. He barks out a laugh. “Fuck, man, I can hear you thinking over the phone. You’re not a bad father.”

I snort. Obviously, I tell my friend too much about my worries. I need to start holding my tongue while we’re at the bar.

“You’ve done everything for Lily,” Kyle continues sharply when I don’t answer. “She adores you. Even if you can’t get her a computer, she’ll understand.”

Does Kyle not realize that that makes it worse? That my ten-year-old daughter, who should be carefree and maybe even a little selfish, intimately understands why her father can’t buy her some of the nice things the other children have? It’s great that Lily does understand, but she shouldn’t have to.