Secret Desires (Roughshod Rollers MC 4)

Ethan is going to tell me that we can’t be together.

It explains his silence over the last few days. I shouldn’t have left him alone. He’s gotten damn thoughts in his head again. I feel a swell of anger toward him. How dare he do this to me? I get that he has issues, but so do I, and most of them have been caused, however unintentionally, by him!

“Georgia?”

I look up tiredly. Lucy, who works at the desk next to mine, is leaning over with a concerned look.

“Everything okay?” she asks.

I think of the message and paste a strained smile on my face.

“Yeah, sorry,” I say, and turn back to my computer, not wishing to continue the conversation any longer.

Maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t think I am. This sinking feeling in my gut can’t mean anything else. I draw in a deep breath and put my hands to the keyboard.

I can think about it later. Right now, I need to work.

Ethan is already there when I arrive, staring down at the table. As I watch, a waitress carefully carries two mugs over, and he smiles tiredly at her. He’s the very picture of dejection, which doesn’t make much sense since he’s here to break up with me. Not that we can really break up, exactly, as we never really spoke about being together beyond a

cknowledging each other’s feelings. I wonder what lie Ethan has managed to spin for himself this time and I realize, abruptly, as I look at him, that I’m really done this time. Whatever comes out of his mouth, that’ll be it. I can’t handle trying over and over again, only to get shot down. If Ethan doesn’t want to be with me, so be it.

I lift my chin and stalk over to him. He looks up as I approach and winces, which tells me all I need to know about the current expression on my face. I sit down across from him and breathe in the smell of vanilla. My heart clenches. He ordered my favorite drink for me.

“I hope you don’t mind me ordering for you,” he says.

“It’s fine,” I reply. Except, it’s not, because he’s about to break my heart, yet he’s also just shown how well he knows me. It really sucks. I’m not going to let him off the hook so easily, though. We’re both aware of what Ethan is here to say, but he can have the fucking courage to say it out loud. I deserve that. “So?” I say, taking a sip from my mug. Ethan swallows. He looks like he’s struggling with something as he stares down at the table, fiddling with the handle of his own mug. Then he steels his shoulders and looks up. I appreciate that he’s looking me in the eye for this but, at the same time, the determined look in his eyes makes my heart fall.

“I’ve done something…” he says, and falters. He coughs and inhales deeply. “I looked at your phone.”

Okay…that’s not what I expected. I stare at him, shocked.

“I saw the message from your boss…and then found the other messages,” Ethan says. He isn’t meeting my eyes. “About the new job.”

I take another sip of my drink, trying to school my expression into a blank look. I can’t be too mad; Ethan and I know each other’s passwords, and we’ve used each other’s phones numerous times.

“And?” I ask.

Ethan’s lips twist into a grimace.

“You…haven’t decided what to do, yet, right?” Ethan asks. “Whether you want to take it or not.”

“I don’t really know whether I want to take it,” I hedge, frowning. Where is this going? I don’t really understand what’s happening. “There’s a lot of factors to consider.”

Ethan looks at the table. Then he takes in a deep breath and looks up at me.

“Like Lily and I, right?” he challenges.

I stare at him. I want to tell him that he’s wrong, because I think I’m starting to see what’s brewing in his mind. But I can’t, because he’s right. He smiles grimly, perhaps seeing the answer on my face.

“I thought so,” he murmurs. He closes his eyes. “Ever since you decided to become a journalist… you wanted to be the best. Do you remember?”

“Yeah,” I say slowly.

He opens his eyes.

“Now you have the chance for a promotion,” he says. “You’ll be in the city, getting huge stories. Your name will be in the papers for so many people to read. You’ll meet people that can take you even further in your career.”

“So what?” I ask, suddenly irritated. “I have the right to decide what I want to do.”