Rock My World

“Right, well…” Billy pats me reassuringly on the shoulder. “You let us know what’s going on.”

“Yeah, okay, I will do. I need to get to the airport right now. Make sure you have a good night.”

I smile at the boys, glad to have them around me for a moment now that I’ve reached the light at the end of the tunnel. They are good guys and we do have a great bond. They haven’t done anything wrong, they haven’t changed at all. It’s me and this bad patch that I’m going through, that’s all.

“Right, I better go. I’ll see you guys afterwards.”

We hug and say our goodbyes, then I grab the small bag that I’ve packed to take to my mom’s place, and I head out to get a cab. I breathe deep, the fresh air feels good in my lungs, I can’t wait to see how it’ll feel when I get back to Mom’s. It’ll either be the best thing I’ll ever do or the worst. Who the hell knows?

I wipe the sleep from my eyes and stretch out looking at the bright morning sun, smiling at my home town. The place where I grew up and also went to college. I haven’t been back for far too long, and I didn’t realize how much I missed it. It won’t be long now until I’m back with my mother and I honestly cannot wait.

Yes, she’s going to kick my ass for waiting such a long time, but she’ll also be pleased.

“Here!” I say to the cab driver as I see the very familiar yellow building in front of me. “Here is home.”

I toss a couple of bills at the man, unsure what a cab costs here anymore, and I toss my bag onto my shoulder. With a giant grin, I practically bound up to the front door. I knock, wanting to keep it as much of a surprise as possible. Mom calls that she’s on her way and I try to imagine what she’s doing inside. Sipping tea and washing probably. That’s the way I always remember her. Grinning as she took great care of me.

“Holy shit!” Mom screams as she swings the door open. “Jace. What are you…?”

She claps her hands over her mouth, tears brimming in her eyes. I see a million different emotions cross her face, she was always like that, an open book, but eventually she settles on mild irritation. I knew she would.

“You never come to see me,” she tuts. “I have to learn about your life from TV. And it isn’t something to be proud of as a mother, I can tell you that. And you look so different.”

She opens the door wide and lets me inside. I go willingly. The familiarity is comforting; it makes me feel more like myself than I have done in a very long time.

“So, what are you doing here?” Mom immediately sticks the kettle on. “Has the tour finished?”

“It finished last night. I got an overnight plane to be here nice and early.”

“And you didn’t tell me you were coming? I could have been more prepared.”

“I wanted to surprise you.” I shrug. “I thought it would be nice. Goodness, Miss Felicia Fairs, anyone would think that you aren’t happy to see your boy!”

She races to me and throws her arms around me. “It is a nice surprise. It’s just… I don’t know, it’s a little weird, isn’t it? Now, you’re a famous rock star, not so much my little boy anymore.”

I want to make a joke about it, but the thick ball of emotion gets locked in my throat, blocking anything. I know what she means. She misses who I used to be and I do as well. More and more every day.

“I haven’t changed so much that I can’t enjoy a home cooked meal…” I tease weakly.

“At this time in the morning?” She shakes her head. “I suppose you are jet lagged. I can fix you something.”

I grin and take a sip of the massive mug of coffee that she’s given me. “Thanks, Mom. I really appreciate it.”

“So, how are things?” She might ask this idly but I know there’s more to it. She isn’t just asking for the sake of it. She wants to really dissect everything and to see how I’m doing. The problem is I don’t really know.

“Yeah, okay.” I shrug half-heartedly. “Just tired after everything. Could use a rest.”

“Well, you know your bedroom is still the same. I never changed it in case you wanted to come back, so you’re more than welcomed to have a sleep when you want. You are staying for a while, aren’t you?”

“I am.” I nod and give her the puppy dog eyes. “If that’s okay with you?”

“Of course it is.” I spot her giving me a side eyed stare. “Dare I ask how long for?”

I sigh and

hang my head low. “I don’t know, Mom. I’m not too sure yet.”

“You don’t have a deadline for the next thing you need to do?”