Rock My World

“But it’s a bit quick, isn’t it? I thought I would have a bit more time.”

“You don’t need more time. You have had six years; you need to rip the BAND-AID off.”

“I don’t feel ready.” I flap my hands anxiously as I pace around the office. “I don’t think I can do it.”

“You can and you will. Talk through your worries with me.”

“Okay, okay, yes, break them down.” I gulp noisily. “Break my worries down, that’s the best way.”

“So, what are you panicking about right now?”

“Outfit,” I blurt out in the heat of the moment, just focusing on anything. “Yeah, I don’t know what the hell I’m going to wear. I haven’t got any time to pick out my clothes. I should cancel…”

“You are not cancelling. I will pick you out something to wear.”

“You… you will?” I don’t know how I feel about that. “What are you going to get for me?”

Luci laughs loudly. Too loudly, the whole office can probably hear it. I block my hand over the receiver as if someone cares enough to listen. “Don’t worry, Addison, I will just get you something nice to wear. Not something slutty, something nice, the sort of thing that normal people wear. Trust me.”

I blow out a couple of breaths. “Okay, trust you, I can do that.”

“I will meet you from work, and on time. I don’t want you to finish late today, and I will have something with me. A nice outfit for you to wear on your magical evening… that way, if it sucks and you hate him, at least you’ll look nice. Sounds good, right?”

I laugh despite myself. “I don’t know if you’re trying to make me feel better or not, and I don’t know if it’s working, but I’m going to go now. I will see you when I finish work.”

“On time,” she reminds me. And she’s probably right to do so. “No workaholic Addison today.”

I hang up the phone and slump into my desk seat, trying to take some calming breaths. We did a mindfulness course once as a team building exercise and I promised myself that I’d do it every single day to get a sense of calm, but now when I need it most, I can’t even remember how to do it.

Bloody typical.

“It’s going to be fine,” I mutter quietly to myself. “It’s just one silly little date, I can do that. Everyone does it. It’s weird not to.” I nod as if the words I’m feeling are making me feel any better at all. “Once I lose my dating virginity, it won’t be so difficult.”

Shit, even the word ‘virginity’ does it. It reminds me of Jace and the ghosts of our past. I immediately think about the magical night where we finally gave ourselves to one another wholly. It was wonderful, more than I ever dared to hope for. He treated me with such kindness, such respect, such love, every touch was more incredible than the last… I fell more in love with him than I ever thought possible, it seemed like my real life and my happy ever after was within my grasp.

But then of course, he ruined it by cheating. He destroyed me from the inside out.

God, I really do need to move on!

6

JACE

I blow out a breath of air as I step off the stage, glad to be done. I wipe the sweat from my eyes and let a small smile play on my lips, the light at the end of the tunnel encasing me. I did a good job out there, I think. I gave it my all because I know it’s the last time I’ll need to do it for a while. It feels great to be free.

“What time are we flying back to LA?” Andrew asks Billy. “Is it in the morning? Can we go out tonight?”

Billy nods reluctantly. He knows The Puppeteers always go a little too far on the final night because we know that we have plenty of time to get over the hangover. It gives him the job of clearing up our public relations disasters which I suppose pisses him of, but he gets paid enough as our manager.

“I’m not coming out with you guys,” I say carefully, knowing that it will create a stir. “I’m not flying back to LA either. I need to go and visit my mom. She… needs me. She needs me.”

They don’t know what to say to that, and how could they? I haven’t given them anything to go on. My mom could be really ill or she could be okay, she could just need a hand putting up some pictures or something. Since I haven’t given any indicator either way, they can’t argue, which was exactly why I did it. Truth be told, my mom doesn’t even know that I’m coming. I’m going to surprise her…

“Oh right.” Jed hangs his head low. “Sorry, we didn’t know…”

Ah, I see what’s going on here. He thinks this might have something to do with my recent behavior. I could argue with them but to be honest at this point it’s easier to let them just believe this. It’ll smooth things over when we get back together. I don’t want to deal with any awkwardness.

“It’s okay. You guys have a good time. I just need to check on her.”