Rock My World

“Addie, not everyone needs a career to define them. I will be just fine.”

She snaps back like I’ve said something horrible to her. “Are you saying I’m boring?”

“Huh?” How the hell did we get here? “Addie, you aren’t making any sense now. That isn’t what I said.”

“No, but it’s obviously what you meant. You think I’m dull because I work a lot.”

“You do put a lot of yourself into your work.”

“Oh my god, holy shit. That is out of order. You don’t understand what you’re saying. Yes, I throw myself into work but it makes me happy and I’m good at it. Clearly, I’m not good at anything else. My family don’t want to know, me and you are… well, fucked. And Luci… I don’t even know what to say about that.”

“Luci will be your friend again. Whether I’m here or not.”

“I don’t know about that.” She shakes her head violently. “I don’t know about anything anymore. I think… I think it’s best that you just go. I don’t think we have anything else to say today.”

“So, you really are trying to push me away.” Anger builds and boils inside of me. I can’t stop it from flowing. I just can’t take this anymore. It’s too much. “What do I have to do, Addie? I have done everything that I can to prove that I didn’t cheat on you. I jumped through hoops to make you see that I wasn’t that bad person, I’m willing to give up my life for you and it still isn’t enough. If it’s never going to be enough then you need to just tell me because I feel like I’m wasting so much of my time, putting my heart and soul into you.”

She says nothing. She actually chews on her bottom lip to make sure that words don’t come out. Again, our communication is shit. Real love isn’t supposed to be like this, it just isn’t. This isn’t exactly fate anyway, I pushed us to this point. I concocted a sneaky plan and went through the dating agency to get to her. That isn’t meant to be. That’s just a nightmare waiting to happen, a time bomb waiting to go off.

“You know what, I’m done fighting, Addie. I would fight to the ends of the world for you, but I can’t do it alone. Your actions are making it perfectly clear that this isn’t right, so we need to just…”

“Jace, I…” she starts, but she doesn’t finish which is my cue to leave.

I shake my head silently, wishing that everything had gone so differently, wishing that I’d stayed away. This was a BAND-AID to my problems, but it hasn’t solved everything. Or anything. It’s just created more problems. I need to get some breathing space; I need to get away.

I turn and leave, stomping my feet and slamming the door as I go. I’m angry, I’m hurt, I’m frustrated. I hate that this conversation turned into that. I wanted it to be nice, the start of our future, not the end. But it always seems to be the end and that’s the problem. It’s just too hard. Love is supposed to be easy.

In the midst of my anger, I don’t notice the shadow of another figure heading towards me. She has her head down too and she barely notices me until we’re almost smacked up against one another.

“Jace.” Luci’s face falls. She looks at me in a thunderous way. “You’re here.”

I glance up towards Addie’s apartment and shake my head again. “Not anymore, I’m not.”

Luci’s finger points hard into my chest, making me wince with pain. “I don’t know what you think you were doing coming back here, stirring shit up again, making Addison fall for you, just so you can hurt her again.”

“That wasn’t my intention. That was never my intention.”

“You went through the dating agency, which I know is because of my stupid status about Addison and me visiting there. I’ve been thinking about it, and that’s the only way you could know. It was only online for a moment but that was enough for you to see it. That makes me think you’re a stalker, but I suppose I can’t throw that word around without proof. But whatever you did, it’s messed up, Jace.”

“I… I…” When she words it like that, it does sound pretty screwy.

“You know that you’re toxic, Jace. You and Addison don’t work. It didn’t work before…”

“But that isn’t because I kissed someone else, Luci.”

“I saw you!” She throws her hands in frustration. “I saw it.”

“You didn’t. I even called Emma who confirmed that we didn’t kiss.”

This silences her, but only for a moment. “Well, whatever happened, it still ended, didn’t it? And judging by the look on your face it isn’t going well now, is it? Just like I thought it would.”

I don’t have anything to say to that. She’s right. It isn’t working, there is a toxicity between Addie and me. It doesn’t work, it never has. Walking away from each other is all we seem to do.

“You should just go,” Luci says with a moroseness to her tone. “Before you hurt Addison anymore.”

She is trying to be a good friend to Addie, even now. I get what she’s doing, she’s trying to save us from ourselves. She hasn’t ever been the enemy. Addie and I are our own worst enemies.